Burned-Out Sanders, who has scored fewer victories in the last 20 years than a man who died 30 years ago, crawled back into Los Angeles over the weekend to address the Democrat Losers Convention.

After finishing third in a two-person race with an elderly woman who cheated the government, Burned-Out has limped back onto the campaign trail, buttressed by decades of inspiring defeats and general progressive ineptness.

Burned-Out is a political anomaly. He owns one of the world’s longest losing streaks since Adam finished runnerup to Eve in a Garden Called Eden a few seasons ago.

According to Fact-checkers USA, Burned-Out’s only win since coming to Congress 27 years ago was over a Regenix salesman. Schlepping undeniable modesty, Burned-Out acknowledges that after 16 years in Congress and 10 more in the Senate, “I have nothing to show.  I never have passed a bill.”

Running on the Nonsense Party ticket, Burned-Out appealed to the most massively uninformed segment of the country, college kids. Passively, they do what their confused profs tell them: Read “Gullible’s Travels.”

As the Nonsense candidate last year, Burned-Out introduced himself to college boys and girls as a “democratic socialist,” the mathematical equivalent of a tall midget, a shrunken giant, an eclipsed sun, a square moon, global climate warming change.

Carelessly coiffed as if he had again assassinated his recently deceased hairdresser, Burned-Out opened his bean-can oration with a discouraging salutation, “Fellow losers.”  Knots of absent-minded Democrats began to applaud – until they realized the goal was to finish first, not second or seventh. Losing had become natural, comfortable.

Echoing the cry of losers for centuries, Burned-Out said President Trump did not “so much win the election as the Democratic Party lost the election.”

An overweight Democrat Loser in the back row pinched her girlfriend. “That’s a relief,” she observed wryly. “I thought Trump had won.”

Floating another foolproof thesis to the fooled audience of chesty Losers, Burned-Out offered a certain-to-succeed-or-fail strategy to impede Mr. Trump and ignite a Losers’ comeback was this:

Convince low-grade, anti-ambitious workers who have lost their jobs (evidently) to outer space visitors that foreign workers, illegal or legal aliens, are not your enemy. President Trump is.

“Our streak is safe! Long live our streak!” cried out dozens of mystifyingly jubilant Losers.