I am ashamed of myself and at the same time proud of myself. I did something I have done in the past. Then I did something else that I have done before.

Once I picked up and perused Trader Joe’s October Fearless Flyer the other day, I was hooked. I quickly told Siri to take a reminder: “Go to Trader Joe’s, and buy up all their kosher pumpkin treats.”

Which is exactly what I did this afternoon. With the help of Bailey, a friendly employee who said she had worked at a kosher kitchen some time ago, I managed to stuff 10 different kinds of pumpkin snacks into my cart.

What made me do it? Yes, I am fond of pumpkin pie. That is as far as it has ever gone. Perhaps the not-so-subliminal messages in the Trader Joe’s Flyer got me: “ . . . you’ll find it in our stores for as long as we can keep it in stock,” and “Run, don’t walk, to your neighborhood Trader Joe’s to grab yourself a box (or five) before they disappear.” I didn’t want to be the one to miss the chance to try them.

Have I done this kind of thing before? Ten years ago, I remember buying 18 boxes of Fiber One cereal when it was on sale. Ten years before that I remember special-ordering a full case of Good Humor Toasted Almond Ice Cream Bars because they could not be found in Southern California. I am certain I have done spree shopping for junk foods in between those decades.

As I said at the outset, I am ashamed of myself. I have been trying to live a healthy lifestyle. I have been snacking on sugar snap peas, peanut butter and nuts. Now I brought all this sugary-fatty stuff into the house. Besides, when I snack, my wife also snacks. It is not good for her or me.

A few minutes ago, I did something I am proud of. I threw away all the open packages of pumpkin stuff, and bagged the unopened stuff to return to Trader Joe’s.

Can’t I stop from repeating this kind of buy-eat-throw madness? It’s kind of like anorexia – I buy, eat, and purge by throwing and returning goods.

I will try to think about what I am doing when I next see some tantalizing products. I need to remember one rule though: No junk in the house.

Good night all.

Mr. Ebsen may be contacted at robertebsen51@gmail.com