Alexandra Vaillancourt

Dateline Boston — We bought artisanal kittens. Husband, having never had kittens, was worried that we would get the attack kind. Would they bite us? Scratch us? Destroy the furniture? Someone gave me a great line — “No, they breed that out of them.” When you get kittens, you never know what you’re going to get, right? The breeder said that Elise was dainty and Bertram was curious. She was spot on.

In two days they bonded with us. We kept them confined to the kitchen and living room for a few days. I thanked the apartment gods for the number of doors we have, which seemed unnecessary until now. We closed off the office, shut the French door, and they were comfy and cozy with access to food, litter, and the couch. What could be better?

They played with each other, they ate all their food, they used their litter boxes. On the second night, we decided to let them sleep with us. That lasted five minutes. They chased each other all over the bedroom, on the bed, off the bed, banging their heads into furniture. No way we were going to sleep. We put them back into the kitchen and living room overnight. This tradition continues. We all sleep better this way.

After a couple of weeks, their personalities really started coming out. Elise is a Jedi Master. She has the grace and poise of a ballerina mixed with a kung fu fighter. She can leap far and land, sitting, with her tail wrapped around her tiny paws. She sneaks up on her brother from above and attacks. She is wary of new thing — the bathtub, a new toy, a strange sound. She is cautious. She likes to be held, but only for a couple of minutes, and when it’s on her terms. When she’s in the mood, usually when you have to do something, like type an essay, she’ll curl up on your lap and purr like a motorboat. She’s small, and looks like a kitten.

Brotherly Differences

Bertram runs into walls. He is big, clumsy, and always in your face. He loves to run, but he doesn’t know how to stop. So he usually lets the furniture be his guide. When his head hits the bottom of the couch, he stops. He climbs the cat tree as if he has eight legs, not four. He has a propensity for climbing onto one’s shoulders. We discovered this one day as Husband was doing the dishes. I walked into the kitchen, and there he was, perched, as if this was the most natural thing in the world. He’s not afraid of anything. He enjoys being cradled like a baby by Husband, and sleeping across my shoulders like a mink stole. He’s a full pound heavier than his sister. He eats his food, then eats hers. He looks like a cat.

Our TV viewing has been cut down due to the antics of our new babies. Who needs the boob tube when you can watch kittens race around like maniacs, leaping into each other and hunting fake mice as if they’re lions in the wild? They drive us crazy — they love to lounge on the kitchen table and leap onto the coffee table when guests are over. They’ve just discovered the kitchen sink now that they’re big enough to jump into it. One of Bertram’s favorite resting spots is the fancy cutting board we received for a wedding gift. We’ve had to rearrange things in the kitchen to make it harder for them to explore. I dread using a squirt bottle to dissuade them, but it seems like that day is coming.

We love our feline companions to no end. They are not the attack kind. Quite the opposite. They come to anyone who walks in the door. They purr, loudly. They’re affectionate. They love us, and we love them. So far, no one who is allergic has had a reaction to them. Our designer kittens are well worth the money we spent. I still check the breeder’s website to see new litters. There’s one little girl who has caught my eye…who wants a sister?

Ms. Vaillancourt may be contacted at snobbyblog@gmail.com