What is a friar? you ask.

Friar is a Hebrew term used mostly by Israelis to indicate a person who is easily taken advantage of.  IMHO, friar is a pejorative term. The friar is characterized as a weak individual.

When I arrived in Israel 40 years ago, I was sized up pretty quickly as a friar.

“Don’t be a friar,” people kept telling me.

I did not understand what friar meant.  I mean, I was usually amenable to people’s requests. I did not think twice about going out of my way to help someone.

I just dismissed the term friar. Never gave it much thought.

Fast-forward 40 years.

An acquaintance recently asked me to do something for him.  It doesn’t matter that he was an Israeli. The request could have come from anyone.

My first reaction, “Sure. I’ll do it.”

Then I began thinking.  The term friar  popped into my head after all these years.

Was I a friar?

The acquaintance asked me to do something for him. He asked me to go out of my way to do part of the job.  Then and there I decided I now know what it means to be a friar. I did not want any part of that.

I texted the acquaintance that I would not have the time to fulfill that one part of his request. If he wanted the whole package, he would have to fulfill that one part.

Boy, did I feel good.  I no longer felt like a friar.

Then, I realized something interesting.

When I get a request from someone I care for, there is no friar involved.

Perhaps that is why I have not, to this day, experienced the anguish of possibly being a friar.

Perhaps, too, people who are only acquaintances do not usually ask me to do things they could do themselves.

So what does the future hold?  Will I be circumspect in reviewing all future requests from friends and acquaintances?

Will I try to decide if the request is coming from someone who could actually carry out part of the request himself or herself?

I don’t want to worry about all that stuff.  I will trust my gut instinct to do what is right for me. Perhaps I will be ready to tell people how I really feel

as soon as they make a request from me.

No longer am I a friar.  I am cooking with gas!

Mr. Ebsen may be contacted at robertzebsen@gmail.com