[Editor’s Note: Our witty Boston-based essayist is visiting familiar territory this week.]
Dateline Southern California — I am waiting for the train going from Surf Beach to Oceanside. It arrives almost an hour late, and I get on. I see that there are stairs. Stairs in a train is always exciting. I go up the stairs. Most of the seats are facing backwards, but I want to face the way the train is going, so I sit frontwards.
Unfortunately, I am on the left side of the train. The ocean view is on the right side of the train.
Fortunately, it’s right next to the stairwell, and there’s a window there, on the right. Unfortunately, my seat is diagonally across from the bathroom, and a little kid just used it and left the door open. I think he had a bad tummy.
After two more people use the lavatory and don’t wash their hands, I decide to switch seats. I grab both of my bags and go into the next car, where there are a lot of seats on the ocean side. I settle in and read my book. After a few minutes, I notice that there is no armrest in between the seats. The seats seem bigger than the ones in the other car. They are very cushy. Uh oh. Did I sit in the fancy car by mistake? I am too embarrassed to go back. I text my cousin, who asks if I am in the business car. Oh, yeah, it’s not called the fancy car, it’s the business car. I ask the one guy who is awake and not on the phone. He says he thinks this is business class. Even though his ticket is for coach, he is staying, because his daughter is enjoying the view. He will move if they ask him to.
I decide to be a rebel for once in my life and do that, too. I might get to ride in business class for a whole hour! For free! I am living on the edge. At the next station, the conductor comes to scan the tickets (they don’t take tickets anymore, punch them with holes, and give them back. I miss those days). I see a bunch of people getting on—when I am asked to move back to the ordinary car, I will have to share a seat. I look at my ticket and see that it is business class. Woo-hoo, I don’t have to move! I am living the good life.
We arrive in Los Angeles. An announcement comes on that L. A. is the last stop, because they need to fix the problem that made the train late. For those continuing onto points further south, we will have to get off and cross the platform to get on another train. Bummer.
I get off the train and ask where the business car is. I am directed to the front of the train, which is pretty far ahead of me. I am walking against the tide of people who are getting on the train in coach. I want business class, though. I paid for it, I want to sit in a nice seat! I make my way to the front of the car, and of course there are no empty two-seaters. I sit next to a woman who immediately starts sneezing and coughing. Wonderful. I’ll sit in a cushy seat and catch a cold. I smile at her politely and squeeze as far to the left as possible.
A conductor comes through the car with a cardboard box, looking for people he hasn’t seen before. He asks a woman behind me if she wants a snack bag, and she gets flustered that he’s talking to her. He says, “Well, okay, sorry to bother you.” I say, “You haven’t seen me! I’ll take a snack bag!” He hands me one. Whoopee, a whole bag of free snacks! We didn’t get treatment this good on the airplane I took from Boston to California. I eat my potato chips slowly, praising myself for not buying chips when I got my lunch on the broken train.
The ride to my destination goes much faster on the working train. In no time I arrive at the station, belly full. I recommend taking a train for transportation if you can. You can have all sorts of adventures, and maybe get some free food while you are at it.
Ms. Vaillancourt may be contacted at snobbyblog@gmail.com
