Home OP-ED Slumberjacks Find the Right Bed

Slumberjacks Find the Right Bed

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Photo: Maliz Ong / publicdomainpictures.net
Alexandra Vaillancourt
Alexandra Vaillancourt

Dateline Boston — A few months ago, I looked at the bed after making it. I mean, really looked at it. It had lumps in it, and craters, kind of like the surface of the moon. I mentioned my findings to Husband, who agreed that since we were not about to explore outer space, we should get a new mattress.

When I hear that a new purchase should be made, I’m on it. I can buy the new thing today. Now. Husband needs to think about it for awhile. He thought about it. For months. It didn’t come up again until the boy I take care of got a new bed and Husband put it together. It was a platform bed, low to the floor, exactly how Husband likes a bed. I suggested that we get that bed for ourselves. Husband wasn’t sure. He agreed we needed a new mattress, but maybe not a new bed. By the time we got a mattress, the bed would be higher, because all they make is thick mattresses these days. We compromised—we’d keep the bed, and get a new mattress.

A few days later, we were going out to dinner when I spotted a furniture store for which I had a credit card. I asked Husband if we could quickly stop in to look around. Thirty minutes later, we were lying on bed after bed, trying to imagine deep slumber. I told the salesman that my husband had to have a firm mattress; no pillow top, no memory foam that would make him hot. He waved his hand dismissively at one, saying, “Well, here’s a box covered in fabric…” Husband laid down and got a big grin on his face. “Oh, my god, no one likes that mattress!” screeched the salesman. Husband did. I told Screecher that I could sleep on anything, I could sleep on a sidewalk and had, as a matter of fact. Anyone remember spending the night in line to get concert tickets? Husband was not ready to make a purchase, so I got Screecher’s info, his quoted price, and the dates when this rock hard mattress would be on sale. Husband reminded me again that he wasn’t in the frame of mind to buy a mattress, so he’d have to get to that place in order to actually plunk down the money.

My Strategy

Over the next few days, I worked on getting Husband to that frame of mind. I designated a day on the weekend that we would test mattresses, and he agreed. We decided to go back to a place we had been to the year before—a futon store. We had both had futon mattresses in years past and remembered that they were comfortable. We went into the store, and I was immediately soothed by the atmosphere. There was Allman Brothers music playing, beautiful furniture in the store, and a young woman came up immediately and asked us if we needed help. We told her what we were looking for, and she pointed out the different types of futons. We decided to first try the mattresses without knowing which ones were designated as firm or soft.

It was like playing Goldilocks and the Three Bears. First we tried the solid foam mattresses, but they were too hard. Then we tried the mixed foam and cotton mattresses. One of them was too soft, but one of them was…just right! We went back and forth, and the saleswoman told us about which ones would pack down and how much they would.

As we were on one mattress, Husband said, “This one is good. I can do this one.” I was momentarily speechless. “You mean, get this one? Buy it?” I asked. He said yes. I couldn’t believe it. We told the saleswoman that we would like to buy that futon. It turned out we had chosen the thickest firm one. It would pack down, of course, but not as much as the others.

We stood at the counter, making our purchase (which was four hundred dollars cheaper than the one at the furniture store, by the way), and I said to the staff that they were witnessing something never seen before—my husband making a purchase decision in less than ten minutes! It was an historic moment! We all had a good laugh, but I was still stunned. Even better, the futon was right in the back, and ready to go! Husband brought the car around, they jammed the futon in the back seat, and we were off!

When we got home and had the mattress in our bed frame, it wasn’t as thick as our previous mattress. It sank down at the same level as the bed, which was too low. I pointed this out to Husband, who noted the difference. I made a case for the platform bed again, and he agreed to it. Click, click, new bed arrives in three weeks!

We slept on our new futon, and it was like a dream. Comfortable, soft, one person can move and the other person doesn’t feel it at all…futons are not just for after college anymore! Whew, writing is exhausting. Excuse me while I take a nap…

Ms. Vaillancourt may be contacted at snobbyblog@gmail.com

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