A new client had been married for eight years to her high school sweetheart. She felt affection for him at the start, and she believed/hoped it would grow into love. It did not.
Three months ago she left him. “You work too hard,” she said. “You never are home. You don’t pay attention to me when you are here, and I want to have sex more often than you do.”
The bombshell she did not disclose was that last spring she met a man. They clicked. He has the attributes she wishes her husband had. She has not been intimate with him, fearing the new relationship will end as her marriage had.
Let me explain. Opposites attract. It is an immutable law of nature. If you put two plus magnets together, they will reject each other. When you put a plus and a minus magnet next to each other, they attract. It is the same within relationships.
Take the lady who was talking with her friends about the new boyfriend she has been dating for three months. She says he is great because he pays attention to her. He shows up on time for their dates. He holds doors for her. Most importantly though, when they are out, his gaze is focused 100 percent on her.
Something else she admires: Even though he works 15 hours a day, six days a week, he somehow is available to her. He lets her know he cares for her by buying her expensive little gifts.
Eventually she had sex with him, and she said it was good. Once a day, sometimes more.
After four months, the intimacy began to ebb. Instead of every day, he only wanted sex twice a week. When intimate, it was amazing for both. For her, because he touched her in a way that stimulated her body. For him, she helped him create the mental picture of what he wanted to do before he could do anything. The sex act must happen in his mind before his body would react.
Since she wanted it daily, issues arose. For her, expensive gifts were nice, but what she really desired was his physical attention. After sex, she preferred cuddling. At first, he did. Not he gets up and leaves.
Soon a familiar refrain returned. “He works so hard all the time I hardly see him,” she complained. “When I do, he is tired and distracted. He won’t have sex more than every four days. He does not appreciate me. I am fed up. I probably am going to dump him.”
For their relationship to have worked, all he needed to do was to say to her on the days they were not having sex how much he appreciated her, how beautiful she was, how prettily she dressed, how nicely she cooked.
She is the type who needs to know she is appreciated. With a dollop of imagination, he could have made a sex date with her three days from now. She would have something to look forward to.
This is the story of my new client who left her husband. All that she found attractive in the first place now did not appeal. When I showed her what was happening, she understood not only her behaviors but her husband’s.
She went back with him. Both of them now understand how to maintain their renewed relationship.
Do not hesitate to contact me by telephone, 310.204.3321, or by email at nickpollak@hypnotherapy4you.net. See my website at www.hypnotherapy4you.net
