Living Briefly in DMV Heaven

That headline resonates with oxymoron.

But hold on.  Here is my story.

I had two issues requiring my presence at the Dept. of Motor Vehicles office.  I got a ticket for not having my month sticker on my license plate. And since I am turning 75 next week, I had to renew my driver’s license.

Fortunately, I remembered I could call the DMV for appointments.  We all remember waiting for hours at the DMV for our number to be called.

The DMV phone recording insisted I make two separate appointments: 10 a.m. for “registration” issue, and 11 am for my “driver’s license” issue.

I figured I would be there for at least two hours.

Happily, at 10 a.m., the man at the very short DMV appointment line told me I could do both tasks at the same time.

Pleased, I went to sit down, glancing over my shoulder at the very long DMV no-appointment line.

Two minutes later my number flashed on the screen. I got my month sticker, vision test, photo taken, and passed my computerized written test all in 20 minutes.  I was delighted to have enough time to lunch with my 97-year-old mom.

So here I am: A living testimonial to the efficacy of the DMV appointment system.

Why, though, in heaven’s name, don’t the hundreds of other DMV customers call for an appointment?  Could it be they don’t know about it?  Or are they so conditioned to sitting for hours, waiting for their number to appear?

The DMV seems to be an oxymoron all by itself: very short wait (with an appointment) vs. very long wait (without an appointment).

Would you believe I feel guilty for getting out of the DMV so quickly?

I feel as if I should have put up a 100-foot-long banner stating:

“Next Time Make a Reservation. I Just Got Out of Here in 20 Minutes.”

What if everyone made a reservation?  What would happen?

DMV might become an acronym for

“Don’t Mind Visiting.”

Mr. Ebsen may be contacted at robertebsen@hotmail.com