Quite a few clients are experiencing depression because their relationships are falling apart. They do not understand what happened. They blame their partner. They will not accept responsibility for their part.
Opposites, as you know, attract. Those very opposites can cause a relationship to break apart.
For example: Joan loves that her boyfriend works hard and earns an excellent income. After dating for two years, she leaves. He works too many hours and does not give her the attention she wants.
Since a relationship requires two, take responsibility for your part.
People commonly are a mix of two categories. One is physical. No. 1 priority is family, No. 2 is activities involving many people, and third is work.
Even though it is a misnomer, emotional is the other category. The emotional is quiet, logical, detached, observing of life.
The emotional’s priorities are work No. 1, individual activities No. 2, and family No. 3
These behaviors appear to be opposite.
You would think relationships between these two types would not work. They do, when there is an understanding of each other’s behavior.
I began with the example of Joan complaining her boyfriend was snubbing her, working too many hours.
Physicals love the physical interaction of touch and lovemaking. They love to cuddle after sex. Joan’s boyfriend is the opposite. Unless sex is in his mind, his body will not respond. Once he has an idea of what he wants to do, sex will occur. Unfortunately, after sex, he gets up and does other things. He does not enjoy lying in bed, cuddling.
Physicals feel they are loved from the touch and lovemaking they receive. Emotionals display their affection buying expensive gifts for the one they love.
Physicals would have sex every day. Temporarily, emotionals will oblige, until three to four months into a relationship. Then the honeymoon has passed.
Joan’s boyfriend wants sex three times a week. She wants it every day.
Joan begins to feel that he no longer loves her since his sex drive is less. She complains. After tolerating the constant carping, he leaves the relationship – only after he has found a new girlfriend.
All Joan’s boyfriend needed to do was acknowledge what Joan meant to him, tell her how much he appreciates what she does, and make a date for sex two days on.
Had he done this, Joan would not have felt insecure. She would not have complained about being ignored.
Or should Joan have backed off from griping about the lack of affection and understood that working was what he loved to do?
Since we are all a mixture of both sets of behaviors, know which percentage you have of each. When you understand your behaviors and those of others, expect a lasting relationship.
Do not hesitate to contact me by telephone, 310.204.3321, or by email at nickpollak@hypnotherapy4you.net. See my website at www.hypnotherapy4you.net
