Home OP-ED Lee Spikes, Jada and My Aunt

Lee Spikes, Jada and My Aunt

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What color is Oscar?

My 91-year-old aunt announced last evening at dinner that, standing in solidarity with Jada Pinkett-Smith and “Lee Spikes,” she, too, will boycott the Oscars on Feb. 28. It scarcely is worth mentioning that Aunt Esther, in the spirit of fan loyalty, later was overheard inquiring, “Is Jada a man or a woman?”

Hollywood racists have been all atwitter ever since a clerk noticed that none of this year’s Oscar acting or Best Film nominees is black. Most nominees, horrors, are male. Viewed through the pince-nez glasses of bigots, they are white, too.

Quick, someone dial Sherwin-Williams. We have a color-coding crisis.

Sadly, liberals truly believe this.

Bulletin for Hollywood liberals:

  • I never have met or heard of a black rabbi.
  • There are no black members of my Orthodox community.
  • There never has been a black pope.

In view of this alarming cultural imbalance, I probably should abandon my Judaism. I could track down a yahoo religion that serves equal portions of yellows, whites, blacks, reds, gays, transgenders and normal black, white and brown persons.

Hopefully the leader of our diverse new community will be a cross-dressing son of transgendered bisexual parents who were kidnapped by Chinese as children, and raised as Muslims by an unmarried former priest and defrocked nun living in sin.

To employ a superfluous phrase, liberal Hollywood racists are complaining that the lack of diversity among Oscar nominees is stifling.

This is how liberal racists think.  They only circulate among each other.

Why don’t the liberal racists wring their pampered hands about the virtual 100 percent absence of political diversity in Hollywood? Normal black, white and brown Hollywooders must conceal their political identities as conservatives from their liberal betters. Otherwise, they will not work.

That is the real crime, not touchy-feely drummed-up racism.

4 COMMENTS

  1. Hollywood Conservatives include:
    Clint Eastwood
    James Caan
    James Earl Jones
    Mel Gibson
    Jerry Bruckheimer
    Vince Vaughn
    Tom Selleck
    James Woods
    Owen Wilson
    Jon Voight
    Kurt Russell
    Kid Rock
    Dennis Quaid
    Tim Allen
    Jessica Simpson
    Mickey Rourke
    Vincent Gallo
    Robert Duvall
    Gene Simmons
    Dwayne Johnson
    LL Cool J
    Arnold Schwarzenegger
    Sylvester Stallone
    Gary Sinise
    Bruce Willis
    Adam Sandler
    Chuck Norris
    Shannen Doherty
    Heather Lockyear
    Robert Downey Jr.
    Melissa Joan Hart
    Kelsey Grammer
    Kristin Chenoweth
    Jaclyn Smith
    Tony Danza
    Victoria Jackson
    Dennis Miller
    Rob Schneider
    And on it goes….

    All out and proud.
    It’s OK you don’t need to worry about all these famous rich people Ari.

  2. I’m so confused by your constant criticism. Your article “29 and Beautiful” (which conveniently doesn’t allow for comments) is filled with hypocritical judgment. As you criticize Hollywood for it’s a “color coding crisis” in this article, you ironically place importance in superficial aesthetics in the next breath. Your second “sentence” being “Gorgeous.” in your article about Brittany Maynard is completely irrelevant. What significance is Mrs. Maynard’s beauty to her struggle and death? It seems to me that what is on the inside of a person or their skill set or their soul, has less significance to you than outward appearance.

    Furthermore, how can you in good conscience describe Brittany as “horrendously disappointing”? You don’t even know her. Do you think she really wants to end her life? Yes you are entitled to your opinion on how you would like to die. But, until you have walked in someone’s exact path, your criticisms are dangerous and unethical. If you are truly religious and a woman of faith, wouldn’t you know that “God” is to be the judge, not you.

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