[Editor’s Note: Gene and Miriam Greenberg are one of the Orthodox Jewish community’s favorite couples, especially in Pico-Robertson and in Westwood. Here is the second half of Mrs. Greenberg’s splendid talk on their 60th wedding anniversary last January.]
“For 2,000 years my people, the Jewish people, were stateless, voiceless. We were utterly powerless against our enemies who swore to destroy us. We suffered relentless persecution and horrific attacks. We could never speak in our own behalf, and we could not defend ourselves. Well, no more! The days when the Jewish people are passive in the face of threats to annihilate us, those days are over.” — Benjamin Netanyahu
So how did I start my marriage?
Foundation of my beliefs.
My grandmother taught me:
My grandfather was her best friend.
Life is like a wheel of fortune – sometimes you are on the top, and sometimes you are on the bottom.
My mother and my grandmother taught me that women work. My grandmother was in the retail business with my grandfather. My mother worked in my father’s upholstery store. When he died, she went to work in an office. So I was willing to work when we needed that second income.
You can agree that this is a good place to start. But remember, I am only 18 and in college. Few friends. Hardly anyone else in college is married, and the couples I meet are older and more mature than I am, so I have to reinvent myself. Lots of personal growth groups and therapy and a search for the ikar – the meaning in all of this.
What Is a Big Deal?
I learned to keep myself in line. I try to live by the following principles.
There are no big deals. So I have to say to myself that it is NO BIG DEAL each time I want to get upset about something.
I ask myself if this time it is really a big deal. A big deal is when your child runs into traffic. Then you can get upset. But most of what upsets me is not a big deal. I can teach myself to ignore it. I do not have to lose sight of the big picture.
I practice patience. I believe that patience is an underrated virtue. I see it is the building block for many other midos (values). For example, respect. If I am patient, I might appear to be respectful.
And though it might not be easy, it is so simple. I tell myself, “Not now. Not yet.” For this moment, I do not have to do anything. Can I wait one moment? Then another moment? You get the picture. I string together moments, and I wait to tell somebody off, or take action that will be destructive. Really, doing nothing, saying nothing gives HaShem (G-d) a chance to take action. It gives life a chance to unroll. It gives me a chance to be less emotional.
Stay grounded at all times – at all costs. Someone recently asked to explain what grounded means. The opposite is spacy, bouncing off the walls. I try to stay in touch with the physical, do one thing at a time, stay calm, do not indulge in being upset and crazy. I try to have a quiet voice, an organized household, and an organized life. If I take things slowly, I have a chance to think, a chance to have clarity.
Occasionally I indulge in being mevater (to put the good of others ahead of your desires), putting what Gene wants ahead of what I want. It’s not so easy for me, since I truly believe that my way is the right way, so what he wants must be wrong.
G-d Is in Charge
I always remember that HaShem runs the world.
I’ve talked about me all this time, my favorite subject, but it is not enough.
There is another person in this couple. To be married 60 years, you have to be granted long life, truly a gift not to be taken for granted. And you have to be married to a person who is interested in being married a long time. I am very fortunate in this regard. I want to tell you how Gene is responsible for this marriage.
Gene keeps his eye on the big picture. This marriage is important to him, and no matter what happens, he comes back to this point.
Gene has always made a living. Sometimes we had a lot of money, and sometimes we didn’t, but Gene always recovered, and we had a place to live, jobs, food, clothing, cars and sometimes more, such as vacations, restaurants, parties.
Gene values family. Family comes first, immediate family and then extended family
Gene likes being married.
Gene likes me – he thinks that I am value-added in his life.
Gene encourages me to develop my potential. He supports all efforts in that direction. I finished school after I got married. I earned a doctorate after I got married. I retired early and did interesting jobs and projects.
Gene supports and participates in my projects (some examples i.e., Zavi last summer, Zvi this winter).
Gene recovers from major setbacks, both personal or business.
Gene can accept major changes in my priorities and lifestyle, such as becoming observant, retiring early, 12 step programs.
Gene has my back – he is always there when I need him.
So Baruch HaShem (thank G-d), we are the center of this amazing miracle of a 60th wedding anniversary, thanks to my husband and to HaShem.
Mrs. Greenberg may be contacted at marilynjoygreenberg@gmail.com
