Dateline Boston — This week someone posted a conundrum on Facebook. Her daughter had lost a tooth, but it fell down the drain. Her daughter wrote a note to the tooth fairy, asking her to get the tooth. If she couldn’t, please write her a note. I’m not sure what the outcome was, but I took the post as a writing prompt. How would the tooth fairy respond?
Your tooth fell down the drain! This happens to so many kids! I don’t know if you know this, but there are actually several locations where kids lose teeth, and there is a different Tooth Fairy for each location. The most popular location is under the pillow. This is where I am assigned, because I am a first-year Tooth Fairy.
You have to be 13 to be a Tooth Fairy. For the first five years, every new Tooth Fairy is assigned to pillows. When you’re 18, you can choose to stay a Pillow Fairy, or you can get training and become a Drain Fairy or a Swallow Fairy.
Drain Fairies have to learn all about plumbing. They wear special outfits. It’s a very messy job because there’s a lot of spit and toothpaste down there in the pipes. Sometimes they even find diamond rings! I heard of one Tooth Fairy who had to dig through gravel from a fish bowl to get a tooth that was in a drain. It seems that a kid had been preparing a fish bowl for the goldfish he was going to get the next day, but his little brother had dumped the gravel from the fish bowl into the drain, ha, ha, ha. He thought it was pretty funny. The big brother didn’t, and neither did the Drain Fairy. The gravel and the tooth were the same color, almost the same size. After nine hours, she finally found it. She asked to be assigned to pillows after that.
News Too Tough to Swallow?
You can also be trained to become a Swallow Fairy. That kind of fairy has the most training because it’s the trickiest. Those Fairies get the teeth that kids have swallowed. It takes three years of training to become a Swallow Fairy. You have to study the human body very carefully.
The problem with the teeth that fall down drains and get swallowed is that they disintegrate after 9 hours and 5 minutes. That poor Drain Fairy I told you about earlier? She got the tooth! But it turned to dust as she was putting it in her pouch. Since kids are usually sleeping when the Tooth Fairies get their teeth, they all fall apart and can’t be returned to the kids.
Pillow Fairies have an easier time. Next time you lose a tooth, if you don’t lose it down the drain or swallow it, put it under your pillow and I’ll get it. Of course, you don’t get it back, but know that it will be added to our Tooth Fairy Town. Every building, bridge and road is made out of kids’ teeth. The town gets bigger every day! It’s a wonderful place to live.
Good luck with your new grownup tooth, and I’ll see you next time (but you won’t see me!). I’m going to be asked to be assigned to you so I can get your next tooth.
I’ll leave you with my favorite riddle:
What time is it when you go to the dentist?
2:30. Get it? Tooth hurty? Ha, ha, ha!
Love, The Tooth Fairy
Ms.Vaillancourt may be contacted at snobbyblog@gmail.com
