[Editor’s Note: Our Thursday essayist Mike Hennessey discovered this slyly witty reflection.]
I am a Seenager. (Senior teenager)
I have everything that I wanted as a teenager, only 60 years later.
* I don’t have to go to school or work.
* I get an allowance every month.
* I have my own pad.
* I don’t have a curfew.
* I have a driver’s license and my own car.
* I have ID that gets me into bars and the wine store. I like the wine store better.
* The people I hang around with are not scared of getting pregnant. They aren’t scared of anything. They have been blessed to live this long, so why be scared.
* And I don’t have acne.
Brains of older people are slow because they know so much.
People do not decline mentally with age, it just takes them longer to recall facts because they have more information in their brains.
Much like a computer struggles as the hard drive gets full, so, too, do humans take longer to access information when their brains are full.
Scientists believe this also makes you hard of hearing as all those facts put pressure on your inner ear.
Older people often go to another room to get something. When they get there, they stand there wondering what they came for. It is not a memory problem, it is nature’s way of making older people do more exercise.
