I never thought I would enjoy the sound of the ZAP as much as I do.

I’m seeing another side of myself that I haven’t seen before.

After all, I am the guy who picks up crickets off the floor and deposits them outside.

But when 10 or 12 flies zoom through my house, I want them dead.

My new Aspectek bug zapper does just that in minutes.

I even leave the door open longer than usual now, knowing I will be able to zap any pesky little creatures.

During the day, I place the zapper in a spot as dark as possible. We close our drapes in the dining room and place our bug zapper on a small table.

We carry our game table to the kitchen where we have a window with no drapes.  It’s great.

No more chasing flies with flyswatters, or bottles of Windex, trying to wet their wings. I think I’m in fly-zapping heaven.

We seem to get waves of fly attacks.

A dozen flies on one day, and no flies for three days.

I have a few theories as to why that is. Perhaps the flies are attracted to the smell of my wife’s cooking.

Perhaps they are multiplying under the stove as they find scraps of food to eat.

Perhaps they are finding their way in the house through the smallest of cracks in doors or windows, or through holes in the screens.

I would pay dearly for a machine to find the answer to that conundrum.

I was looking forward to eating outside on the patio both during the day and at night, thinking that my fly zapper will be protecting me from intruding flying insects.

But I just read that electric bug killers may be ineffective outside because of their kill-all approach to insects. Apparently, the ultraviolet light lures harmful, neutral, and beneficial insects all at once.

In a 1996 investigation, 13,789 insects were zapped. Only 31 were biting insects such as mosquitoes.

Two thousand were beneficial insects that attack pests, and the rest were harmless, non-biting species like fireflies and beetles.

The most effective technique for keeping insects away outdoors, the article says, is with a fan. Mosquitoes have difficulty flying in wind faster than 1 mph.

I will conduct an experiment outside.  I will count and try to classify the bugs that are killed with my zapper.  IMHO, the 1996 study may have been conducted in an area of the country where many friendly bugs live.

My hypothesis:  Of all the bugs zapped outside on my patio, 50 percent will be flies, 30 percent will be mosquitoes, and 20 percent will be killed due to friendly-zap-fire.

I understand that if I want to catch and zap more mosquitoes, I will need to set a lure near the zapper.  Mosquitoes are attracted to us mainly because we emit carbon dioxide.

I read that one creative zap-researcher placed dry ice near the zapper.  As the ice melts, the released carbon dioxide gas lures the mosquitoes into the zapper.

Hey, the zapper is a healthy exercise machine. I get up and run to the zapper tray with each Zap I hear.  And when there is no more zapping – I am so very relaxed.

Mr. Ebsen may be contacted at robertzebsen@gmail.com