First of two parts

The following story should be ingested when the reader is alone, preferably in a dark, windowless room.

Ready?

Breathe noiselessly so as not to disturb anyone who is nosy.

Read in utter silence.

The number of unsheltered homeless persons in Culver City is…

Sorry.

Can’t tell you.

It is a story of immodest length.

Culver City, as homeless advocates know, counts its homeless persons every late January.

Under the aegis of Housing Administrator Tevis Barnes, the numbers and details are processed – you know, like watching sausage being made, by the CIA or at least people who tip-toe wordlessly on silent soles.

This immensely secretive package is forwarded to the county homeless agency, which clearly is not staffed by top-tier types.

The Los Angeles Homeless Services Authority – called LAHSA — is da boss.

They say so. That’s who.

Nobody better forget it.

When interviewed, Ms. Barnes sounded as exasperated as those who are curious.

“Oddly enough,” she said, “LAHSA says I cannot release the numbers.

“A lot of people have been asking me.

“But we have an agreement with them, a memorandum of understanding, that we do our own homeless count. We don’t trust their numbers.

“Part of the agreement, though, is that we cannot release numbers until they approve what we are going to release.”

There was an explosion among homeless advocates last week in the city of Los Angeles when LAHSA’s new numbers for the current year aimed for the sky.

Ms. Barnes challenged LAHSA.

“I said to them last week, ‘You have released your numbers. Can we release ours?’”

No, was LAHSA’s first response.

Hold off until July, was LAHSA’s second response.

Pricelessly, not to mention witlessly, the wilted bureaucrat added: “You may release the homeless numbers for any year other than 2017.”

(To be continued)