People visit a hypnotist for all manner of reasons. One gentleman spent three years in weekly sessions with a psychiatrist but left disappointed because the therapist had not helped him.

The gentleman was uncommonly successful. A surgeon, he had started, managed and sold two medical companies before he was 50, his present age.  Recently this father of three went through an amicable divorce.

Within two minutes of sitting down with me, he was crying like a baby.

Encircled by success, a driven man, he is lonely. All he wanted was financial success but long found thorniness in his interpersonal relationships.

Whenever he went out to parties or meetings, he truly enjoyed being in the spotlight. Yet when he dated, he attracted  people similar to himself with work, sex and hobbies. This means both preferred individual-type activity or exercise. Work was No. 1 in their lives.

He is a classic JEM, Jewish Ethnic Male. This is not a slur and does not say a Jewish Ethnic Male is inferior or superior.

Opposite Is Good

In prior essay, I mentioned it is an immutable law of nature that opposites always attract. With magnets, a plus magnet will entice a minus magnet. Plus repels plus and minus repels minus. So it is with relationships. The outgoing will always attract the shy, and the reverse is true.

Twenty-three years ago, one of my first clients was having relationship difficulties. I explained the differences to her. I suggested that she go dancing one night, dressing revealingly, being strongly outgoing.  She ended up leaving with the quietest person in the place. Why? Because everyone else was having fun, and he was just watching. She had fun bringing him out of his shell. I asked her to go to a different place the following week, dress more modestly and conduct herself quietly. She left with the most outgoing person.

It became clear to this lady that how she acted and dressed drew different types of men. The key for her was to understand her behaviors and decide which type she wanted.  Ultimately she found a new beau, they married and are still together.

Are They Really?

The JEM and Jewish Ethnic Female are a little different. They have problems finding the right relationship. A JEM and a JEF always appear to be outgoing. Consequently, they consistently draw their opposite, a quieter type. In reality, the JEM or JEF are quiet themselves. They only act outgoing in public. They actually attract a person who has similar types of behaviors. Such a relationship usually does not last long, leaving the person second-guessing his/her ability to enjoy a meaningful relationship.

Returning to the original gentleman, once he came to understand that the type of person he was projecting himself to be was not going to lead to a terrific new partner, he began, with my help, to understand his behaviors and what he would like to project.

As his understanding grew, he was finally gaining momentum. He said he had learned more in his first session with me than in the three years with his therapist.

Do not hesitate to contact me by telephone, 310.204.3321, or by email at nickpollak@hypnotherapy4you.net. See my website at www.hypnotherapy4you.net