A 60ish lady who had been treated poorly as a child, married three times, twice to alcoholics who abused her, came to see me for her second session. Now she is married to a perfect man, she says. They dated for six months and have been married for six months.

Her husband had been in a mentally, physically abusive relationship for 30 years to a woman who fatally overdosed one day.

Both my client and her husband are thrilled to be away from their abusive partners.

Her husband frequently travels out of the country, and my client was experiencing panic, anxiety, depression and insomnia when he was away. This could be traced to her desire to control her environment and her husband.

Up to here, she has had no control over her life or the people surrounding her. Thankfully, she recognized her need to resolve these internal control issues.

In second sessions with clients, I introduce them to the concept of Physical and Emotional behavior, exactly how we behave and how we differ from each other.

Drawing Distinctions

Some of us are quiet, some outgoing and will talk to anyone. We are a mixture of both types.

Regardless of a client’s issue, in the second session I help each begin to understand his or her own behaviors. This gives them the opportunity to assess which of their characteristics are Physical, which Emotional. When a person fully understands his behavior, his self-confidence and self-esteem improve for two reasons: Getting to know oneself better and learning how to read the behaviors of others through the Physical and Emotional lenses. This further encourages a person to be better in interpersonal relationships.

I offer my clients a book that details Physical and Emotional behaviors. When my brother had been married for 20 years, he and his wife were seeing a counselor. Both believed their marriage was over, and the counselor was of no help. However, after both read the book, they spoke with each other in the common language they had just learned. They quickly resolved their issues and resumed their marriage.

Oh, That Is How It Works

When I introduced my client to the concepts of Physical and Emotional, she agreed with the assessment of her in a questionnaire she filled out. She began to see her husband in a different, positive light, and she left my office happy.

The next day, though, she sent me a curt email.

She complained that she had come to see me for reasons other than her marriage, she resented that I thought her marriage needed help, and cancelled her next session.

After cooling down, though, she apologized and rebooked. She had not realized that the book was so comprehensive, and so she fretted that if she read the book it would affect her relationship negatively and cause her to lose her husband.

This type of thinking stemmed from her life experience that anything shown to her was negatively received. Once I re-explained why I gave her the book, her attitude reversed. I asked her to change her perspective. The book was  going to help her to know herself better and to know how to treat her husband better. 

Before long, she and her husband were even happier than before. My client’s self-esteem soared.

What panic, anxiety, depression and insomnia?

At last, she is living the kind of relationship she always has yearned for.

You go, girl.

If you have any questions please do not hesitate to contact me by telephone, 310.204.3321, or by email at nickpollak@hypnotherapy4you.net. See my website at www.hypnotherapy4you.net