Every night before I go to bed, I pray to God to magically change me into a liberal before I awake.
Well, some nights I do.
Okay, in my first year of college, I promised Mom that I would recite the prayer at least one night before I died. So far, my health is robust.
Liberals hold such tantalizingly vague beliefs that a liberal could simultaneously be a practicing Jew, a practicing Pentecostal and a practicing Presbyterian without ever leaving his favorite church pew.
Take the friendly lady who spoke to the Culver City Democratic Club last night.
I am positive she does not walk around her Culver City neighborhood stepping on the tails of male squirrels.
How About a Little Diversity?
But I would have more faith in the message and mission of the obviously sincere, plainly likable Prof. Judy Alter if her research did not come out the same every time.
If sometimes her pursuit of fraud found that occasionally the Republicans did it to harm Democrats and a few times Dems did it to the sensible denizens of the Republican Party, I could swallow one or two of her complicated accusations.
But my nostrils tell me that her research results more closely resemble television wrestling.
Like many liberals, Prof. Alter subscribes to window-tinted conspiracy theories. And she appears to be devoutly obsessive.
I didn’t count how many times she linked the term “profit” to the routinely demonized computer company Diebold. It probably was around 15. That is bug-eyed obsession.
I thought for a moment she was suggesting Diebold’s first name was Adolf.
What Gets Her Goat?
I am not sure if Prof. Alter is angrier that Diebold has a voting computer monopoly or that the company makes more money every year than she and her three closest friends do.
Lighten up, little lady.
I knew she had lost me when she wandered into the nuttiest political jungle I know in this country, Pacifica Radio, which specializes in hiring unattractive young people with mangled accents but just enough English to mutter, “I hate Fox News and I love Al Jazeera.”
A check on Prof. Alter’s academic history could be read as foreshadowing her excursion into the world of Isn’t Vagueness Wonderful?
At UCLA, she was a dance scholar, of all things, in the Dept. of World Arts and Cultures. My favorite descriptive, slightly spacey, line about the department’s mission was:
Rather than restricting themselves exclusively to a particular tradition or medium of creative expression, the programs of scholarship, art-making and teaching in the Dept. of World Arts and Cultures find their unity at a deeper level through a shared engagement with problems of cultural and aesthetic diversity, the meaning of tradition in contemporary
societies, and the changing social roles and responsibilities of artists, both in the United States and world-wide.
It was the phrase about “cultural and aesthetic diversity” that arrested my eyes. Diversity? Here we go again.
Most college professors, about 90 percent of the influential ones, are hardline liberals who spend their days teaching equality and diversity, and then drive home to their vanilla neighborhoods.
When did Democrats make diversity one of the 10 Commandments, the only one they honor?
A Profit of Doom
Why does it bother Democrats all of their waking hours that Diebold earns a profit? Many liberals are socialists who believe America’s wealth should be regularly redistributed. But they can’t quite bring themselves to admit it.
They have such vast compassion for the underclass, not that they would buy a home in their neighborhood or consort with them when it was not politically expedient.
Choose Your Bullseye
Remember how we said yesterday that every group of True Believers, no matter the subject, needs a target, even if it has to contrive one?
Liberals, sitting at the wheel of the most influential media in America, give birth to demons faster than the most fertile woman on earth.
Do the names Diebold and Halliburton resonate? Losing their inherited riches does not bother liberals nearly as much as the odious fact that a dreaded Republican might be earning a profit.