[img]1|left|Ari Noonan||no_popup[/img]Isn’t it unfortunate that only one newspaper’s endorsements in this town mean more than a dead frog’s hiccup?

When I read the Los Angeles Times’s pompous, disingenuous, apologetic, excuse-me endorsement of Bernie (Who, me?) Parks on Saturday for a third term on the Los Angeles City Council, I was reminded of a player from Rowan and Martin’s Laugh-In from the late 1960s.

[img]1088|left|Ms. Hogan-Rowles||no_popup[/img]Remember the decidedly unattractive, deliciously satirical Ruth Buzzi? She made a career out of flitting about the stage, flinging her cheap pocketbook at anyone who came near. In one scene from a Dean Martin Celebrity Roast, Ms. Buzzi glares at glamourous Angie Dickinson and snaps: “Take away her blonde hair, her good looks, her dazzling gown, and whadda ya have?” “You,” says Mr. Martin. And the audience howls.

Except for being a zero on the City Council, except for making less of an impact on the Council than the weather in Toronto, Mr. Very Do-Nothing has compiled a sparkling record — in the shape of an egg.

Let’s Make up Something

Stumped for a reason, the Times admits as much.

We suggest that his chief opponent, Forescee Hogan-Rowles, an entrepreneurial businesswoman whose record of accomplishment the last eight years dwarfs Mr. Parks’s, is worth a serious examination, which the Times did not do for curious reasons. We will take a closer look at Ms. Hogan-Rowles tomorrow.

Why, then, did the Times endorse the deposed chief of the LAPD, Mr. Very Do-Nothing in the Tuesday, March 8, city election?

Sounding like a falling-down drunk crashing into bed beside his stunned wife at 3:30 a.m., the Times emptily contends, “Just because.”

If you can find a reason buried in their editorial, you are a better detective than I.

In the closing sentence of the limp editorial, the Times finally recalls, vaguely, why it is backing him over a far more capable opponent, an astute, accomplished woman. A winner at each career stop, Ms. Hogan-Rowles has successfully run a South Los Angeles non-profit since the mid-1990s.

Experience Matters?

After acknowledging that Mr. Very Do-Nothing has a lousy, even “imperious,” not to mention intolerant, personality, the Times weakly rushes to rationalize its choice:

“But he has experience few can match, including five years as LAPD chief, two terms on the council and a refreshing willingness to challenge the conventions of City Hall.”

Experience as chief? Please. My late father was even more experienced. He logged 45 years in the workplace. But he would have been a poor Councilman. Mr. Parks was fired as chief, boys, judged not competent. Remember? One term and canned by Mayor Hahn.

Recently, the L.A. Police Protective League — the cops’ 9,900-member union — endorsed Ms. Hogan-Rowles, though it should be noted that in all three runs for City Council, his campaign for mayor and his campaign for County Supervisor, the league opposed Mr. Parks.

A perpetual candidate, Mr. Very Do-Nothing almost has run for more offices than Jerry Brown.

Last Thursday, Ms. Hogan-Rowles was endorsed by the firefighters union, Local 112, representing 3,600 members.

She also has landed the biggest prize of all, Maria Elena Durazo’s very active, deep-pocketed County Federation of Labor, which managed to push Mark Ridley-Thomas past Mr. Very Do-Nothing a little more than two years ago in the rare County Supervisor race. At the time, it was reported the Fed spent $9 million to beat a man they so strongly dislike.

Cornering the support of the major labor union market, Ms. Hogan-Rowles is endorsed by the hefty SEIU Local 721, the city’s civilian employees. Further, by landing the International Brotherhood of Electrical Workers Local 18, she gains 8,600 Dept. of Water and Power workers.

Her Favorite Room in House

The Times’ endorsement of Mr. Parks reminds me of how Mom used to describe a high school classmate she wanted me to date despite 20 obvious negatives and unanimous rejection by all the boys in our class. “She’s a great cook,” Mom said, diplomatically neglecting to add the girl had the girth of a battleship to prove her culinary talent. (To this day, the girl has not married.)

After eight years on the City Council, Bernie Parks has a thinner record than my four-year-old grandson’s job resumé.

How do we know that?

The first three sentences of the Times’ editorial tell you, in blaring tones, that since Mr. Parks does not have a record to run on, the newspaper is forced to back up to the microphone and embarrassingly reach for a crutch.

Groping, the newspaper resorted to specious aspects of his character. In effect, the Times said, “In the absence of accomplishments, we like the way he puts on his loafers every morning.”

The first three sentences:

“The Los Angeles City Council would have a tough time functioning with 15 members like Bernard C. Parks. But it needs at least one. Parks combines independence, strength, and acuity, a rare combination on a council where many members prefer to wish away the city’s problems.”

Cronyism has to be the reason. Nothing else is left.