On my way to the office this morning a little before dawn, I became momentarily confused when I encountered a left-wing signal light.
Both the red and the green were furiously blinking, simultaneously.
On one side of the light, an officer was frantically waving mesmerized drivers through the intersection. On the other, a traffic cop desperately was trying to prevent cars from proceeding.
Eschewing the tradition of ubiquitous good cheer at this time each year, the confusing signals reminded me of the contrary messages my dependably curmudgeonly left-wing friends send out every December, just as surely as they pick at imperfections in celebrating Christmas.
Something in Common
Just as with Christians, odious as my left-wing friends may find the comparison, they write down the same contrary complaints every year.
Since they are chronically unsettled by people who are authentically enjoying themselves —ugh, for religious reasons yet — my left-wing friends issue the identical bill of complaints every year:
Why do you have to be so undilutedly happy every year in December just because the calendar tells you that is the tradition? You are acting phonily.
Christmas has its roots in pagan history, quite unrelated to any spiritual figure. This should delegitimize any reason for garbing the holiday in religious attire.
Christmas shopping, and the hecticness that accompanies it, is annoying. Taking us out of our year-around grimness, all of those smiling shoppers distract us from our normal curmudgeonly attitude.
How dare you celebrate by pretending that you were unaware there is widespread pain and suffering in the world.
Why, one wonders, would perfectly fine persons, as many liberals are, begrudge members of one of the world’s great religions celebrating the focal point of their faith?
Besides unrequited guilt and chronic envy of those who are naturally happier, does any other explanation emerge?
I don’t see these same people becoming exorcised over Ramadan or Rosh Hashanah.
Contrast the eyes-down attitude of these joy-killing liberals with the exuberant, dripping-wet happiness that washes over the especially poor boys and girls across the land who look forward to Dec. 25 as a pleasant, gift-laden waystation in their otherwise bland lives.
Remember what every left-winger will tell you: His main mission on earth is to resolve the plight of the poor (until everyone is as wealthy as he is, even if he has to rob you and redistribute your goods to make it happen).
Liberal Targets Are Beneficiaries
Even though Christianity is the entire point of Christmas, historical pagan nonsense notwithstanding, look at how many plain old Americans whom libs say they care about profit from Christmas.
Struggling Workers: Most of us were raised to believe (until we became adults and learned better) that the Democratic Party is the only group that cares about the working class. Its leaders stay up late to fight for workers’ “rights.” Yet look at how many under-educated, illegal, or just plain unlucky workers gain employment every November and December to handle the Christmas rush.
The poor: American adults are called upon every December to be generous, to contribute money and gifts to destitute families — and they do by the millions across land.
This serves two admirable purposes.
Adults who otherwise might not be inspired to share their any of their abundance with nameless, faceless fellow residents, pour out great mountains of money, toys and other kinds of gifts.
Or have you never seen the toy haul each year at the Fire Station?
Poor parents and poor children, who have no reason to look forward to any new day, renew their faith in mankind each Dec. 25 when a plethora of presents magically turns up beneath their Christmas trees on Christmas morning.
Trickling Down
Just as with the Writers Strike, there is, as even the lightest thinker realizes, an enormous trickle-down effect from Christmas onto millions of businesses and onto millions of grateful peoples who may not be able to spell Christianity or to define Christmas.
That is why, Christians, Jews, Muslims, pagans should be grateful that in America we are free to bring joy to others at least one day out of 365.
Probably ought to quickly squeeze in one more Christmas next week before Al Gore and his global-warming apostles flood the land.