While his seatmates twisted themselves into probably uncomfortable contortions on Monday night during the debate over how widely private and public smoking should be outlawed, Mr. Rose turned pithy.

Said he: “Unlicensed and uninsured drivers are more of a danger to us than any smoker.”

Bully for him.

Being a sensible conclusion, Mr. Rose’s arresting insight went unremarked.

Blithely, the four more or less liberals on the City Council eagerly returned to the hazy, conveniently vague, mandatorily impersonal universe of liberal causes.

For a cause to qualify in that world, it must be vast, shapeless, unprovable but sound soothing to cane-wielding 84-year-old grandmothers and emotional academics.

Today’s Shopping List

Global warming? A beautiful phrase that sounds as scary as walking through a graveyard at midnight, meaning it passes the quintessential test: It is euphonious. Remember that requirement.

Universal health care? Wish I had been smart enough to coin this phrase. I would have tucked it between mamahood and custard pie.

Second-hand smoke? A knee-slapper. Drat the luck. Why did Groucho have to die before this curious phrase entered the working-man’s daily vocabulary? What is the proof of “second-hand smoke”? Sorry you asked. You realize there is more evidence of UFOs landing every Tuesday in San Diego than there is proof of “second-hand smoke” killing one man or one beast.

Peace not war? Can we agree this works, but only as long as everybody else in the world agrees with you.

Boys Left Without Supervision

With no Steve Rose to serve as schoolmarm when they (regularly) stray into daffy territory, the members of the — shall we say stridently creative? — Santa Monica City Council two nights ago made another edge-of-the-cliff move. Nooses in hand, even though a number of them are nice people — Ken Genser, Herb Katz, Kevin McKeown, Pam O’Connor — they love playing big brother to anything that breathes and disagrees with them.

It is only slightly hyperbolic to say Council members would approve of their sister being beaten up by a bully, heaven forbid, before allowing a smoker to walk down the street unmolested. His smoke could suffocate a gnat in Peoria.

The excellent website surfsantamonica.com reports that the City Council, which banned smoking in outdoor dining areas a year ago, now has approved a scheme to punish restaurant and bar owners, holding them liable when some shnook lights up.

The Postman Wrings (His Hands) Twice

As every Westside resident realizes, Santa Monica and Culver City think very differently from each other. On Monday, City Council members in Culver City wrung their hands over how their just-imposed outdoor dining smoking ban would be enforced. They decided to let the thought dangle.

In Santa Monica, enforcement of this type is what they live for.

On a Criminal Quest

The surfsantamonica.com reporter said that from January to August, police issued 19 citations to violators. We presume she was not blowing smoke.

The Council’s amendment calls for guilty, law-flaunting entrepreneurs to be fined between $250 and $920. “The amendment would be enforced,” the website reports, “by giving undercover city inspectors the authority to issue tickets to business owners and managers. Police officers could be involved in some situations.”

Priorities Are Different

In sharp disagreement with an unwritten code in Culver City, Santa Monica clearly is saying that enforcing the ban on smoking — which could end the world before global warming gets its second wind — is a matter of priorities.

Councilmember Scott Malsin of Culver City, trying to be reasonable and collegial, said on Monday night extinguishing smoke and smokers “is not a burning issue.”

Santa Monica City Councilmen did not say whether smoking or the Iraq War bugs them more. But you know which way I am leaning.