[img]1|left|Ari Noonan||no_popup[/img]My close friend Barack Obama — we must be tight if he feels comfortable enough to reach into my pocket every week and remove my money that he smilingly redistributes to “working Democrat families” — cannot be accused of foregoing some campaign promises.
When Lefty was running for the White House two years ago, he pledged to more evenly redistribute America’s vast wealth. Democrats everywhere, averse to working too hard, cheered uncontrollably.
Democrat men turned to their Democrat wives, grinned sheepishly and muttered, “Honey, isn’t this smashing? If Obama becomes President, we will be able to spend more time on the couch together.”
And so they have, if we may peek through their living room’s lace curtains. Millions of Democrats across America are luxuriously reclining on their fashionable couches. They only rouse themselves long enough to burp and throw down another beer before toddling out to the mailbox to retrieve their generous unemployment checks — which you and I, fellow suckers, make possible.
My close friend Lefty, not the swiftest thinker in Washington, sometimes gets his Story of the Day confused. Which lie should he tell? That his undisciplined stimulus spending has “created or saved three million jobs” while — hmmm — causing the unemployment rate to soar? Or is this the day we are to feel empathy for the faceless millions who are mysteriously unemployed? Which is it, Lefty?
My mother was obviously not the mother who raised my close friend Lefty because my mother said, “If you always tell the truth, you don’t have to worry about what you have said.”
As a committed socialist, my close friend Lefty feels he is enriching the quality of life in our declining country by de-riching you and me of our earned income and handing it out, in plain envelopes, to his legion of non-working Democrat families who believe in Santa Claus.
Jobs, Jobs, Jobs? Yeah, Sure
With a hearty ho-ho-ho, my close friend Lefty has led a typically crude campaign to extend unemployment benefits to 99 weeks for congenitally lazy Americans who form the base of his support. In his bizarre socialist culture, he vigorously advocates rewarding people for not working.
When true democrats (small “d”) were in the White House, unemployment checks were designed for 26 weeks, in which time even the laziest liberal can land a job.
By the darnedest coincidence, those 99-week “benefits” — handouts from you and me to “working Democrat families” — extend just past Election Day in November. My golly gee.
My close friend Lefty believes, with a politically correct straight face, that people who have skipped work for two years — two years! — merit a handout from my pockets and yours. If we balk, my close friend Lefty will tax it out of us.
If you are out of work for two years, pal, it is a deliberate, contrived.
You have been ducking genuine employment opportunities.
My close friend Lefty, however, is not to be confused with a deep, or even a rational, thinker.
Before all other values, my close friend Lefty subscribes first to redistribution of wealth, and secondly to political correctness.
Two days ago, his rough-edged marketing mavens flew in three politically correct shlubs to flank President MumblesBumblesStumbles while he shed an insincere tear for the unemployed in the RoseGarden. Reading from right to left were a realtor, a fitness center employee and an auto worker, a blonde lady, a white gentleman and a black lady. (Gays protested to my close friend Lefty for snubbing them again.)
Since Lefty entered the White House, unemployment has rocketed — parallel with waves of sympathy for the “unemployed” as ginned up by Lefty’s marketing geniuses.
My Hometown
Every morning when I drive through the intersection of Braddock Drive and Elenda Street, I expect to see my close friend Lefty standing on one of those corners, trying to qualify for his desperately needed MBA by hawking lemonade. If a guy is going to run the country, even if it is into the ground, he needs entrepreneurial experience, doesn’t he?