It may surprise you more than me to learn, according to a recent LAPD report, 47 percent of over-30 unmarried adults who drive by our home on weekdays suffer from psoriasis.
Less than a mile away, in the neighborhood of my friend Moshe, only 29 percent of unwed passersby admit to psoriasis. Obviously, Moshe and his family attract a classier, and healthier, clientele. Should we move? Or sue our realtor? Or open a psoriasis roadside stand?
Although it is not clear to left-wing scientists whether psoriasis causes fracking, we do know from normal scientists that fracking causes left-wing dizziness — and an overwhelming desire to belch fracking propaganda, none of which has been validated. .
Fracking, unlike psoriasis, returned to the news this morning through the mystical Business section of USA Today where the following was reported by a grownup with a straight face, beneath the headline, “People near ‘fracking’ wells report health woes.”
Murgatroyd, the Climate Changes
If you swallow that bilge, surely I will see you weekend after next when hordes of unfulfilled leftists, leading dull, empty lives, will march in Climate Change conferences on both coasts. (Leftists must have just learned that the world’s climate changes – bulletin, boys.)
Sounding like a skit from Saturday Night Live back in the ‘70s, USA Today hitches up its britches and breathlessly tells readers: “People living near natural-gas wells were more than twice as likely to report upper-respiratory and skin problems than those farther away, says a major study today on the potential health effects of fracking.”
If you are not pregnant, would you rather have psoriasis or morning frackness?
The “survey” was conducted by a wildly partisan leftist, Pete Rabinowitz, a professor, ahem, of environmental health at the University of Washington. USA Yesterday says Pete’s “major” project was conducted while he was at Yale, which could have been 40 years ago. We don’t know. It was also done in a single county, which of course makes it applicable to most of China, all of New Zealand and southern New Jersey.
Pete says of his “major” report: “It suggests there may be more health problems in people living closer to natural-gas wells.” But, he adds significantly, this does not prove wells caused their problems. More research is needed, he said, as he resumed his desperate hunt for a speck of evidence.
Hey, baby, let’s go fracking.