It is near one of Israel’s many universities with great transportation, glatt kosher markets and restaurants, and a mixture of religious and secular living together in harmony.

We go to check out the first Anglo Orthodox synagogue there, and cousins Eytan and Eva start asking questions for me in­ Hebrew. It might be an Anglo synagogue, but that doesn’t mean things are done in English.

Then a young man asks me in English if I am Jewish. Would I be dressed in long sleeves and ankle length skirt with my sheitel (wig, in Yiddish) stuck to my perspiring head in 90-plus-degree weather with 90 per cent humidity if I weren’t Jewish?

Maybe some people can handle it. But the humidity is so bad that I look like a water balloon that has started to leak.

What About Housing?

From there we meet with two realtors.

I think I have found an apartment to rent, a rare commodity.

Here you can buy, but rentals are hard to find. It is one block from the other Anglo Orthodox synagogue.

The apartment is large by Israeli standards, the master bedroom can fit a double bed and can still have another piece of furniture. I get excited when I see a microwave in the kitchen, only to find out that the small appliance actually is a dishwasher that sits on the granite counter top. It isn’t large enough to hold more than a couple of dishes at a time.

Then I look for the oven. I can’t find it because it too is small, so small that I had to ask if there was an oven that came with the apartment.

But, the refrigerator is brand new, so large that I begin to think that if I start early enough, like right after Shabbat ends on Saturday night, I might be able to make enough food in the miniscule oven to keep in the refrigerator until Shabbat begins again Friday night.

Getting an apartment has become a No. 1 priority.

The landlord of the apartment I thought I was going to rent decided to sell it instead.

Elevator Costs More

It is a good thing I have continued to look at other apartments. To rent an apartment here is an experience. Someone has to guarantee that you will pay your rent even though you have to pay the landlord 6 months to 1 year of rent in advance.

Every building has a maintenance fee in addition to rent. If there is an elevator, the fee is higher. People don’t think twice about living in a 5-story building without an elevator.

Then there are arnona (municipal taxes) that the tenant pays, not the landlord. Of course, after that there is the usual gas, electricity, water, heating of water, cable tv, phone, internet, dsl, etc.

If you own a TV, you pay a special fee.

Actually, there is a fee and/or tax for just about everything you do here. You pay the realtor who finds the apartment for you a commission of one month's rent. Then there is the fee for the attorney who goes over the lease.

Choosing the Easier Option

I understand that renting an apartment is a breeze compared to actually buying one.

When you buy, the buyer pays not only his own attorney fees, but pays for the builder’s attorney fees. There are also acquisition taxes, and fixed mortgage rates are actually variable according to the exchange rate between dollars and shekels every time you pay the mortgage. There are so many rules and regulations when it comes to buying.

I finally rented an apartment. The negotiations took 3 hours. I am still uncomfortable with the terms of the lease. If I weren’t so desperate to find housing, I would not have rented it.

And, I cannot even move in until August. No closets, no oven, no fridge, no range, no air conditioner, no heater, no assigned parking, no washer, no dryer. Klum! Nothing!

I am learning a lot of Hebrew just from my experiences. Everything here is lo (no)! In fact, I think the most common word here is “no” with “nothing” running a close second.

A Tradeoff of Priorities

I will have to climb 5 flights of stairs on Shabbat. But the good thing is the shul (synagogue, Beit Knesset) is across the street. It isn’t the one I wanted to join, but it is Anglo and is Orthodox.

Most people here do not have dryers. They hang their wet clothes outside their windows to dry in the sun. The most beautiful apartment buildings have clothes hanging outside them. Hopefully the weather will be mild most of the year .

Otherwise, without amenities in this apartment, I will be very cold in winter, very hot in summer, and without dry clothes most of the time. Of course, in this humidity, who will know the difference, whether my clothes didn't dry?

Either way I will walk around like a wet rag. The Yiddish word shmata (old rag) always had an interesting ring to it. I now know first-hand the real definition of shmata — me in Israel.

L'hitraot, Shachar