I don’t buy many belts. I usually have two, possibly three, that I wear. I buy a new belt when one is in a relatively major state of disrepair.

I now have a relatively thin brown belt (with marks of wear on it), a relatively thin black belt (presently hiding), and a newer, wider, black belt that is a bit longer than I would like.

I saw part of a show on TV last night where couples argue about different things in front of three judges. One woman, according to her chagrined husband, has over 100 pairs of shoes. That got me thinking a bit. Why did I only have three belts? One belt missing, one in disrepair, and one a bit too long?

But I am a “make-do” sort of guy. I just know I will find my thin black belt. I know I can wear my thin, marked-up brown belt for just “knocking around,” and I can always tuck the end of my too long black belt into a loop on the left side of the buckle.

Finding an Exact Fit

I wish all of my pants fit just tight enough so as to not require a belt at all. That way, I wouldn’t have to punch extra holes in my belts so as to make the belts fit just right. I wouldn’t have to think about the color of the belt matching the color of my pants, or the color of the buckle being just right. I wouldn’t have to worry about the thickness of the belt – too thin reminds me of gangsters, too wide reminds me of my old cowboy belts (Where are you, Hopalong Cassidy?).

Where do I buy my belts? At the outlets. For those low prices, I probably should treat myself to a few more belts. I’d like to find a belt that changes length and width with touches on hidden buttons. Touch another button on the belt and it changes color. Touch one button with your right hand and a new hole appears where you touch with your left hand. I guess I won’t get any new belts for awhile. Maybe I like living with challenges. Maybe it’s just that I think of myself as a “fixer.” I fix a lot of broken things around the house. Why not fix my belts? The “fix” for my missing thin black belt: Don’t lose it. The “fix’ for my worn thin brown belt: Don’t wear it in company. The “fix” for my too long black belt: Tuck it in the loop so no one will suspect. I think I should “fix” this rambling essay by stopping it now. Fixed.

Mr. Ebsen may be contacted at Robertebsen@hotmail.com