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Dear Culver City: Who Goofed? The Wrong Shaquille Came to Dr. King’s Birthday Party

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The hothead in question commits an act of unforgivable hubris when he employs strongly broken English — decades along — to criticize the policies of the country to which he has fled. Now if the hothead wants to sit out on the back porch, in his swimming trunks, in January, and talk frothy stuff — such as reviewing the revered precepts and the golden glories of global warming while the mercury dips to 20 degrees in Woodland Hills — that is fine by me. A serious conversation is a separate matter.

Memories of the Dixie Chicks

Shakeel Syed is described in Culver City’s Martin Luther King Day program as the executive director of a federation of 80 mosques and Muslim organizations catering to 500,000 Muslims. As an ambassador of goodwill from a people under fire over much of the earth, Mr. Syed on Sunday displayed all of the tact — and none of the vocal talent or stage presence – of the lamentable Dixie Chicks. The Slickie Sometimes Sickie Chickies, as feminists would call them, are an undernourished, under-noticed, under-educated country singing act. One hothead Chickie inflicted damage to the girls’ careers several years ago. She wandered off and drowned in a field of political criticism on a London stage, far from home. Must be something in the water that does funny things to the minds of hotheads when they leave home.

Of Healthcare and Hunger

Mr. Syed has a peculiar way of conducting himself for a supposedly diplomatic chap. In Sunday’s program, he was billed as “a regular speaker at many educational institutions, churches, synagogues, temples and mosques, local, national and international conferences.” He trashed California because everybody does not have healthcare insurance. He trashed California because everybody is not housed, as we used to say in Santa Monica. He trashed California — “the richest state in the wealthiest nation in the world,” he kept saying — because not every California stomach is filled to the top everyday. The gentleman does not appear to believe in personal responsibility. He trashed America for refusing to clean up the self-described social mess that Dr. King left behind in 1968. “All the problems of the ‘60s are alive today,” he said. He also trashed America for igniting and continuing the violence throughout the Arab world.

Ambassador Training Needed

Were they serious on Sunday when they presented Mr. Syed as an ambassador of his people? Boys and girls, this is not the manner in which an ambassador is to comport himself.

Blew an Invitation

Permit me, dear reader, to suggest just how far out of touch the Culver City organizers of Sunday’s and Monday’s dual King Day programs are. Had the show biz-minded organizers invited the real Shaquille, instead of the Muslim Shakeel, my goodness, they would still being packing fans into the Senior Center, the Vets Auditorium across the street, Sony Studios across the street in another direction, and all over the Studio Estates neighborhood behind them. A little imagination, boys. Haven’t you heard? Shaquille O’Neal is not playing basketball these days. He is out with still another mental, physical or metaphysical injury. He has plenty of time to fly into Culver City and visit with fans of grossly overweight athletes.

Persons of Quality

As noted before, I have known the organizers of King Day for a number of years. They are authentically good persons, honest and ethical. If I had led as commendable of a public life as they have, I could rest more easily. Their hearts were in the right places. Their invitations were not. Elmer Fudd must have been the mailman. That the King Day organizers are quality persons is more than I can say for their choices of panelists — the Five Mistakes — at the Senior Center. I base my judgment on the Sunday performances by the Five Mistakes.

Who Had a Better Season?

Rather than Mr. Syed, I would have suggested inviting Nomar Garciaparra of the Dodgers to the Senior Center. It is incontestable that Mr. Garciaparra had a far better year last season than Mr. Syed. And Mr. Garciaparra, I assure the organizers, had as much to do with Martin Luther King as Shakeel Syed. Which is to say nothing. Mr. Garciaparra’s political beliefs may be as looney as Mr. Syed’s. I have no idea. But, having heard the baseball player declaim, I will guarantee organizers that Mr. Garciaparra’s English is superior to that of Mr. Syed. For the nearly 100 percent of us who were in the dark, Mr. Syed went to pains to inform the Amen Chorus that comprised the crowd that he has been in this country for 23 years.

Postscript

And so, it has come to this. Approaching the 39th anniversary of Dr. King’s assassination and on the 78th anniversary of his birth, Culver City has asked Dr. King to kindly stand up and take a seat in the back of the bus. His birthday, his holiday. Yet Dr. King is shunted to the background because there is no call, the organizers must believe, for deeply discussing the history, the setbacks, the victories, the magnificent accomplishments of the American black community, as inspired by Dr. King. Turns out not to have been a capital idea to pretty much bypass the case of Dr. King and his people. Both on Sunday and Monday, we have drawn bigger crowds to my family reunions. Are all the entrepreneurs in town off fighting in Iraq? Dr. King, you see, was ordered to give ‘way so that five entirely inappropriate yahoos could toot their shrill horns about their shiny little political agendas.

What a superb example of miasma.

For bean-counters, did you notice that in the Culver City World of the Politically Correct, Muslims outnumbered blacks 2 to 1 on Sunday’s 6-person panel?

I intend to resume commentary tomorrow on the Five Mistakes who participated in Sunday’s panel discussion.