News Item: President Obama came out in favor of gay marriage today, after two days of public waffling by the White House. “I have always been adamant that gay and lesbian Americans should be treated fairly and equally,” Mr. Obama told ABC’s ‘Good Morning America,’ during a hurriedly arranged interview aimed at defusing the tricky position the President has found himself in since Sunday, when Vice President Joe Biden told NBC’s ‘Meet the Press’ he favored same-sex marriages. Mr. Obama said his wife Michelle was involved in his decision and joins him in supporting gay marriage. “In the end the values that I care most deeply about and she cares most deeply about is how we treat other people,” he said. – Newsmax.com
I am shaking.
My hands are damp with almost-disgusting perspiration.
I will be forced to wring out my shoes in the bathroom before I leave the office this afternoon.
Unborn children are cheering feverishly in the unformed wombs of their unwed mothers.
Mom, may she rest in peace, probably would have popped a poison pill at the news of such unparalleled courage out of a deathly concern that she would be unworthy of continuing to share space in the same country as this courageous he-man who surely will be a glistening, unattainable model for the present and future generations of ghastly unworthies.
Mr. Obama, grimy sweat is forming where my late moustache was mere minutes ago.
My skin either is shifting or crawling upon learning that a mere 5 years, 3 months and 2 days after coming out of your own closet, you have shrewdly thrown off the shackles of rodentified rigidity, halted your evolving stance on gay unions, and swishily stepped up to the altar of mere mortal sacrifice to declare, bold, you, gold-plated you, favor gay marriage.
Sir, may you – or I – live forever.
Personally, though, I favor me.
