Dispatching a covey of Los Angeles Titanic “journalists” to the Republican National Convention is like inviting the former Mrs. Noonans within driving distance to my next birthday party.
They may come, but I want my security guards drug-tested and isolated just before onetime relatives pour in.
Just as with yesterday’s edition, a perspicacious reader needs to dig deep into the Titanic to learn what happened the night before in Tampa.
The Titanic is as predictable as a calendar. A meteor could plummet from the sky at 7 this evening, landing in the center of the convention floor, killing 9,000 people, and God himself could tiptoe through the back door 10 minutes later, wow the audience, embrace Mr. Romney and walk away – and tomorrow’s edition of the Titanic would read the same as today’s, yesterday’s, and let’s add even more nauseum:
“Feuding Racist Republicans Tell More Lies About Obama While Unknown Visitor Violates Church-State Separation Rule”
Democrat panic is the only rational explanation for the now routine vicious accusations splattered across television screens, the internet and all newspapers except the Wall Street Journal.
Mr. Obama and his team feel the presidency slipping away.
All journalistic hands across America have been summoned to the deck for emergency daily meetings.
The Democrat order to their journalists at the Titanic, the Washington Post, The New York Times and the Chicago Tribune reads: “Call those Republicans the worst names that can be printed or spoken live on television.”
Speaking of Puff Pieces
The Huffington Post, or the Puffington Host as some wits call it, the loudest liberal voice on the internet, is painted daily with racist and sexist accusations against Republicans in screaming colors, making the sound like a team of bratty 5-year-olds who raided the liquor cabinet. The Huffington “reporters” resemble a war party of savage Indians preparing to storm a Colonial fortress – but not until stopping for a toddy or two at Joxer Daly’s.
Surely the Puffington Host has been taken over by mental patients. No adult this side of bars is that unhinged.
The television “journalists” are a stitch, as my sisters used to say. Surely not even their spouses don’t take them seriously at home.
Should we feed them? Don’t step close unless you are certain their cages are secured.
Costumed mockery replaced analysis as the preferred form of response once Swishy safely was tucked into a White House bed. As far as I can tell, this is where he has been ever since, except for his 250 auto-fundraisers, the statistical equivalent of Matt Kemp hitting 250 home runs in one season.
Have I Said This Before?
If you read or watch television, you see every darned one of them lip syncs the same lines, down to inflections and punctuation. It is like repeating 43,000 consecutive times, “Why did the moron jump out the window?”
If the boys and girls on the Angry Left are misbehaving this wildly in August, I imagine Swishy will make fulltime seat belts mandatory for all of us by October because this will duplicate Mr. Toad’s Wild Ride.
Swish, who wanted to be unique, is the only man in America entirely unaware of what is happening day to day in Iran and Syria, treating them like engaged horse flies at a mosque picnic.
Go away, boys, he mutters, until after I am safely re-elected.
A sober Swish really said, “We will lead from behind” about Libya, which, as you know, is one of the 189 most important nations in the world.
Mitt Romney is at least tied with George W. Bush and Ronald Reagan as the most decent men in our lifetimes to seek the Presidency.
For proof: The Democrats’ hardest-working scandal journalists on the planet have dug the world’s deepest hole and have learned no dirt on Mr. Romney.
Sorry, kids.
As you know, Republicans have a War on Women. Seriously.
Democrats, by contrast, are the Party of Women.
Take their idol, Billy (I Put My Pants on One Leg at a Time – Unless the Husband Is Home) Clinton.
Billy has been publicly accused of rape by two women, who were shut up, and sued for sexual assault, and played pattycake with Monica Lewinsky while Hillary was out of town.
What’s the name of that there feller who is going to give the keynote speech next week at the Democrat convention. Ah, yes. Inhale the name: Billy (Ah Got Credibility) Clinton.
