The ethicist Michael Josephson may have best portrayed the fascinating difference in society’s perceptions of Trust and Candor in a radio commentary involving his teenage son.
When my son Justin was in high school, I went to an open house to meet his teachers. I was taken aback when one teacher casually mentioned that she had disciplined my son for cheating on a homework assignment.
I asked my son why he hadn’t told me about this incident. “You didn’t ask,” he said. To say the least, I was disappointed by his reaction. Surely he knew that in relationships of trust, candor – volunteering information you know the other person thinks important – is part of honesty. He said he didn’t. In fact, he was adamant that as long as he had not done anything to affirmatively deceive me, he was being trustworthy.
Not so. Trustworthiness involves a good deal more than not lying. Trusting relationships create high mutual expectations, not only of truthfulness but also of frankness and openness about all-important information.
So parents owe candor to their kids on matters that affect their lives, like plans to move, divorce, or get re-married. And kids owe parents candor on matters concerning their safety and education.
Some people would line up on the side of Justin Josephson, saying that since the son did not actively try to deceive his father; his act of omission was totally acceptable behavior. Some of us would disagree and support Mr. Josephson's point that his son had not been very trustworthy in their relationship.
Line Up
Similarly, once officials are elected to office, they need to understand they have to continually earn the community’s trust throughout their term. They must continue to show candor on all important issues. Especially in such matters as the funding of ongoing expenditures worth hundreds of thousands of dollars of our tax dollars and when putting multi-million-dollar, decades-long bond measures on the ballot.
To Each His Own
Another defining moment that may show a stark difference in each person’s moral compass is what you would do if you found a wallet with a lot of money in it.
“Finders keepers, losers weepers,” some would say to justify keeping it. Others would feel compelled to try to find the owner and return it.
The Finders Keepers perspective reflects a dog-eat-dog mentality. Others of us would hope the money and wallet be returned. Who is right?
Both actions are acceptable. I wonder, though, why you only will find the latter story on the evening news?
Talking Shades of Gray
My contention with School Board President Kathy Paspalis’s statement that teachers had not received a raise in five years is in the context in which it was said. Was the statement a candid, accurate description of the matter before the Board or only what she thought the public needed to know?
Some in the community will still support her parroting of the Teachers Union position –the suggestion it gave of a five-year salary freeze while omitting that over those same five years, the average teacher salary had increased by nearly 5 percent. They will say this was acceptable behavior for an elected official.
As Michael Josephson had expected better from his son, we, as a community, should expect better from our elected officials.
Mr. Laase may be contacted at GMLaase@aol.com
