Here’s one scenario:
Me (Robert): "It’s good to see you again, Jack."
Jack: "Hi, Robert. How have you been?"
(Jack’s eyes are already wandering off — maybe he’s looking for someone else he knows in the room.)
Me: "Jack, what’s wrong with your eyes?
Jack: "My eyes – nothing. What do you mean?"
Me: "Well, while you were talking to me, your eyes started moving to the left."
Jack: "Oh, uh, say, Robert, I’ll see you later, huh?"
Here’s another scenario:
Me (Robert): "It’s good to see you again, Jack."
Jack: "Hi, Robert. How have you been?"
(There go Jack’s eyes.)
Me: "Jack, why don’t you look at me when we’re talking to each other?"
Jack: "Oh, uh, OK, Robert.”
Here’s one more scenario:
Me (still Robert): "It’s good to see you again, Jack."
Jack: "Hi, Robert. How have you been?"
(Jack’s eyes wander.)
Me: "I’ve been fine, but I just said ‘It’s good to see you again,’ and I do see you — but I don’t think you see me.”
Jack:(I can only guess what Jack will say next.)
I Have My Eye on You
Do you get my fairly aggressive drift? Why am I writing this piece? I’m writing it because if I can convince even a few souls to maintain their eye contact for as long as they carry on a conversation, I will have succeeded. In my mind, I will have gained some recompense for all those times I have stood there while the Jacks in my life made my moments miserable by their inexorable "meanderings of the eyeballs!"
If you’re asking, at this point, "What’s the big deal, Robert?" I say to you: "Try this experiment." Go home and, when your significant other is talking to you, purposely look around the room. Did you get a reaction?
Oh, you say, you care about your significant other, but not very much about people like Robert. Then I ask you: "How much do you really care about people?" If your answer is "Not much," then I wish you luck — you’ll need it. But if your answer is "I care," then I entreat you to give some thought to the idea that there are some real people out there who care about you — as long as you give them the time of day — which implies your full attention — and eye contact is the prime indicator of that attention.
Try one more experiment. Give your eye contact for a few minutes to a "Robert-type" individual in your life. You may be in for quite a surprise. Take my word — and my vision — for it.
Mr. Ebsen is a gentleman of stature who does not mind at all when people stare at him.
