[img]560|left|Nicholas D. Pollak||no_popup[/img]Thanksgiving is over. All we have left to do now is prepare for Christmas, Kwaanza since Chanukah ended a week and a half ago.
We all have our pictures as to what these holidays mean to us.
Yes, the vision is never quite the reality. The Norman Rockwell painting of Christmas is the image most of us have in mind. Snow on the ground, Christmas trees with lights and ornaments, roaring log fire, family gathered around the tree in excited anticipation of the gifts each will receive.
Rarely, however, is that the true picture.
Families deal with families. Huh? Yes, and although we are supposed to love the members of our family, sometimes it is not always easy to do.
A friend was invited to a neighbor for Thanksgiving dinner. He was appreciative of the invitation and went over a little early to see if he could assist.
What he stumbled into was not pretty.
The owner of the house had her daughter-in-law, son and granddaughter visiting. The daughter in law was doing her best to help with the preparations. Everything she did was wrong, creating frustration for her. Mother-in-law criticized everything. She was making helping miserable.
Have a Seat, Mom
Finally her son intervened, suggesting she might just like to sit in the living room and let the daughter-in-law prepare in her own way. His mother acquiesced, muttering under her breath, obviously unhappy.
Her frustration was stemming from the fact that she was in her 80s, knew where everything was in her kitchen and did not like others people messing around. She worried that when she went to look for something, it would not be there.
The daughter-in-law was upset because in spite of all the things she had been doing to help, it was not enough. When dinner was served, everyone had calmed down. Surprisingly, everyone enjoyed the meal amidst much reminiscing and laughter.
With one exception. The mother-in-law starting talking about drug and alchohol addiction. Her opinions were heated. Again her son intervened, asking her to change the subject. Unbeknown to my friend, the mother-in-law felt her daughter-in-law had a drug and alcohol problem, and she was the target of the comments.
Even in times of supposed harmony, there is dispute and disagreement. Thanksgiving and Christmas are times when the family is meant to be together and to celebrate these holidays as a passage of our time on this earth. It is a time to reflect on prior holidays. After all, the holidays mark the passage of time in our finite lives. They give us the time to see how we have changed.
Look Who Is in Control
As we grow, the significance of these holidays varies greatly. When we were kids it was a time of dreaming, wanting, anticipation and excitement. When we are parents, it is a time of rushing and trying to make the holidays as wonderful an experience as possible for their children because the holidays have less significance for them but more in their attempts to give their kids an experience to remember.
A family I know goes completely overboard every Christmas. One year I celebrated Christmas with them. They had an eight-foot tree. Gifts were piled so high you could hardly see the top.
Admittedly there were 10 family members, and the gift unwrapping was a frenzy the likes of which I had never seen. Christmas was memorable, not for the gift giving but for the deplorable behavior of one relative who became severely intoxicated with both drugs and alcohol. She ruined the family day for everyone. This included leaving a Christmas dinner untouched as the family member went into a drunken tirade. She began throwing things at the tree, causing it to topple. In turn, it fell onto the Christmas dinner table, sending the food flying everywhere. She eventually passed out and had a seizure, which meant she was taken to the nearest hospital where she was admitted for a variety of reasons.
Not exactly the Norman Rockwell picture. Let me assure you, it is okay to have the Rockwell image in mind and to work toward it. Remember though, life is real, there are ups and downs with any celebration.
Allow your picture to be a flexible one and try to go with the flow. Tackling problems rigidly will lead to frustration. By letting others do things, by allowing yourself to let things happen differently from the way you usually do things, will help.
As with most things, plan what you want to do. Take your time.
If you have gifts to buy, pick a person you want to buy for and buy that gift on a day. Pick someone else the next day, and so on. Allow yourself to spread out your responsibilities. Delegate if you can. If not, approach your tasks with positivity.
Christmas is a very personal experience. The feeling of Christmas is not created by anyone other than yourself. You are what you think. If you want a merry Christmas you will have one.
If you doubt the importance of Christmas, go down to the L.A. Mission to help. One year I was there with a group of carolers. We were singing to the homeless waiting in line to have a Christmas dinner. One member had a small hand puppet. There was a lady in line who was about 40, obviously down on her luck. When she saw the puppet, her face lit. Fatigue and worry vanished.
She explained how, when she was a little girl in better times, she had a puppet like that one and that it had been her companion through rough times. She lost it years ago. My fellow caroler gave her the puppet, not a big thing to do but it created a huge difference for one person.
Others may try to influence your moods, but, with a little practice, a strong mental attitude and a big smile, you, too, can perform a Christmas miracle.
Merry Christmas, happy Chanukah and Kwaanza.
A clinical hypnotherapist, handwriting analyst and expert master hypnotist, Nicholas Pollak may be contacted at nickpollak@hypnotherapy4you.net
