This will be good news for the slanted journalists on Crenshaw Boulevard.
Every morning, the Los Angeles Times begins to more closely resemble the Los Angeles Sentinel instead of The New York Times, whom the boys Downtown yearn to be like when they grow up.
You see, whenever a prominent black commits a dastardly act, bet all of next year’s alimony payments that the silly wannabe journalists at the Sentinel will elevate the Thug Du Jour into the Barackian stratosphere.
The bigots are coming. The bigots are coming, the Sentinel cheerleaders bellow in every edition.
Last week’s scandal-scarred loser was mushmouthed Slapsie Maxie Waters, the crooked (need I point out the obvious? Democratic) Congresslady from the South Bay and South Central.
Aw, Shucks, Just Kidding
Even the guileless Sentinel does not take the guileless Sentinel seriously.
Every issue produces a plump punchline loaded with gas, ethyl, of course. I offer last week’s edition with its typically exaggerated lead headline, “Racial Profiling in Congress?” — an unfunny joke to everyone in the political universe except those knee-slappers on Crenshaw.
Ol’ Slapsie Maxie hasn’t stealthily hung around political cloakrooms for 30 years without learning to slyly flaunt the law. Commandment No. 1: She has been a Dem long enough to know that if you drop a race bomb when you get in trouble, the chickens are likely to scatter and you likely will even evade a wrist slap.
Slapsie (I Probably Am a Crook) Maxie has been working the race gig for years. Most of the time, it fliess. But she is a sneaky political whore. When KCRW’s Warren Olney asked the amazingly inarticulate relic last week if race was involved in the formal Congressional charge of using her influence to grease a bank bailout, she flinched, as phonies are wont to do.
The Race to the Bottom
You see, Slapsie had her acolytes scatter race bombs — like gingerbread crumbs — around the journalistic landscape without tainting her own sullied reputation.
When she first was elected to Sacramento, she took the Democratic Pledge of Self-Allegiance:
1. Be angry.
2. Be envious of your financial betters.
3. Practice victimology.
Naturally, the guileless Sentinel brilliantly concluded Slapsie is a victim, the title she craves more than oxygen.
That brings us down to yesterday morning when the news arrived that the tattered antique had been formally charged with ethical violations.
Immediately, the boys at the Times devolved into a left wing tizzy. Like all astute journalists who recognize a crisis situation when a newsmaker is up to her slippery hips in warm slush, the Times’ boys cleared out Page 8 to make room for the hot news. Page 8?
That would make even a colorblind green or purple left winger scratch his noggin.
The tale of Slapsie Maxie’s smearing of her ethical values was buried because Page 1 already had been spoken for.
Trying to keep their girl reporters off late-night street corners, the Times dispatched Katie Linthicum to Slapsie’s congressional district, which obviously is overrun by blind academics. They have elected her to 10 terms in Washington. Drugs must be legal down there.
So Katie, who runs like a girl, dashes back to the Times’ downtown office and crafts a story that says Slapsie Maxie sits, crookedly of course, at the right hand of God.
Now you know why they didn’t have room on the front page yesterday to report the political floozie’s failure.
Hey, baby, she’s a Dem, she’s pretty far left, she is a person (can we say woman yet?) of color, and by golly, somewhere in this mess of bloody details, there has to be a racist Republican or at least a Tea Party liar causing this here fine, upstandin’ young woman a heap of undeserved misery.
This just in: Slapsie Maxie is prepared to plead ignorant.
The truth usually prevails.
