Going, Going, but Not Yet Gone

 

This, however, being , no trivial occasion is too small to trivialize. I remember trading in my hearing aid the day I heard my wife and I were invited to one son’s kindergarten graduation. With my heart racing to keep pace, the countdown on the number of days remaining for Dr. McGaughey to tirelessly serve the community has reached 39. By sheer coincidence, that was the age of the comedian Jack Benny when he died. Lived. And was born. Which means we must be in for a laugh. You may decide. Comes now the announcement of the unavoidable Dr. McGaughey Retirement Party. Without doubt, it should be a lovely tribute for, as I say, a nice lady. By another coincidence, the Retirement Party is planned for the balmy afternoon of Friday, July 28, three days before the Super’s departure is scheduled to become official. The hours are 2 to 4 at District Headquarters,

Here come the punch lines. And the tall waves of ironies keep on flowing.

Here come the punch lines. And the tall waves of ironies keep on flowing.

Details to Jot Down

 

The admission price is $30. Now let’s see. What does that remind me of? Oh, yes, the latest $30,000 raise strewn in Dr. McGaughey’s path just as she was hurrying toward the outer world. Next: The entry price covers the reception and a gift. A gift? Now one side or the other is bound to be cheated in this concept. We are not told how sensitively the $30 will be sub-divided.  Is the party going to be a cheap affair featuring stale cookies and lukewarm water while most of the admission price is skewered toward a classy gift? Or will the party be dressed up as a majestic soiree while the gift is reduced to three pieces of previously unchewed bubble gum? Can’t be both. Gift? What would you call the last $30,000 pay increase? Finally, the most irresistible component in this resistible scenario. Back up the Brinks Trucks, boys. Those who attend the reception — I hope someone comes besides the School Board — have been ordered to bring crisp dollar bills. No credit cards. No checks. No kidding. This is a strictly cash transaction. Maybe they’re dealing with a guy named Louie who wears two rings on every finger and runs 20 watches up his right arm. Last I heard, the community did not trust the District leadership. Now the world is upside down. The District does not trust parents to write a $30 check. I have a better idea. Why not hold the first annual Dr. McGaughey Retirement Party at one of those check-cashing joints? The décor is a mite primitive, but this is about the Super, not peeling wallpaper. This way, if one of those allegedly crooked parents out in the neighborhoods tries to scam the virgin-pure School District, the District can go to one of those windows with color-coordinated bars and collect its due immediately.