Previously, “Maybe Maya Can Ask the Coach for Valuable Life Tips”
Since last month’s emotionally-charged School Board meeting regarding my daughter’s attempt to balance soccer, at Culver City High School, along with her participation in the YMCA’s Youth and Government program, I have remained consciously silent.
I have kept my counsel in the hope that a compromise might be reached between the parties.
Sadly, none was found.
At the behest of the selected School Board members, I willingly agreed to meet with both the coach and high school athletic director to discuss the possibility of a negotiated solution. Both coach and athletic director grudgingly assented.
I approached the meeting as an opportunity to bury the hatchet and find common ground. My eyes were fixed on finding an outcome most beneficial to the student, my daughter.
In sharp contrast, the coach and the athletic director were focused on turf. Not the playing kind.
To break the ice at our meeting, I openly admitted that our side could have been more pro-active in our communication. I acknowledged that mistakes had been made. Instead of reciprocating mea culpas, I was greeted with icy stares and a stony silence.
Contrary to popular understanding, sometimes the best settlements are not those that bring equal glee to each side. Rather, the most lasting compromises often are carved out of concessions both sides find equally distasteful.
Why Compromise Was Not Possible
With that in mind, I offered a compromise I believe reflected that long held principle. Their response was a flat, unconsidered rejection.
Surprised at their instant negative, I inquired if they were prepared to supply a counter-proposal or to present a framework to solve our discord. Without hesitation, they responded that they had none.
As the meeting progressed, it was readily apparent, that the idea of compromise was as abhorrent to them as dentistry without anesthesia. They attended the meeting with me at the command of their betters, only to satisfy the hollow political need for appearances.
The welfare of the student was of little concern to either coach or athletic director. More important was the preservation of pride, no matter how flawed.
Despite our inability to reach a negotiated solution, several positives have emerged from this controversy.
The school finally has acknowledged the academic value of Youth and Government. As a result, the two organizations are working in concert to eliminate conflicts and to ensure more positive student outcomes.
While the School Board may have expressed an initial disinclination towards micro-managing the decisions of individual coaches, it is likely that it will soon implement notification procedures to better alert students and their parents about changes in athletic rules that could impact eligibility.
This is good news for future students. But it has done nothing to address the plight suffered by my daughter.
Despite her principled stance in light of the coach’s failure to provide adequate notice of his abrupt rule change, she has been demonized. While the coach may not be directly responsible for the vitriol and smears Maya has been forced to endure, neither he nor his athletic director has acted to discourage it.
Both coach and athletic director have mouthed their commitment to fairness and to building student character. But their conduct has been far from exemplary. Rather than engage in an open discussion of the issues, they resorted to a campaign of innuendo and character assassination.
While I am proud of our high school and remain a staunch supporter of its athletes, this incident underscored all that is wrong with sports at Culver.
Doomed to Repeat a Mistake?
Far from their public pronouncements, Culver’s athletic program is less about developing successful student-athletes than securing individual coaching fiefdoms. Education and fostering good citizenship score a distant second to the importance of winning.
Victory is elevated above fairness. The message is clear; so long as it’s not illegal, individual coaches are free to alter any rule or grant any exception if they believe it will suit their singular goal.
As a graduating senior who has committed herself to Culver athletics, this experience has left Maya with a sour taste and bitter feelings that will be hard to shake. Fortunately, she will soon move on to college and the rest of her life.
Regardless of the heartache, this has been a valuable life lesson. Through this experience, Maya has gained a new understanding about the challenges that invariably will confront her in the real world.
From this parent’s proud perspective, despite the temptation to do otherwise, Maya has conducted herself admirably. In the midst of the hostility she has faced, Maya has displayed a grace and maturity beyond her years.
Unfortunately, in the final analysis, it appears that Maya is the only one who has actually learned from this difficult experience.
Tragically, unless and until Culver’s athletic department develops a greater level of professionalism where the emphasis is on sports as an integral part of the educational experience, this tragedy is bound to repeat itself.
It’s not about the score. It’s about the students.
