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The Most Useless Man in California

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Yesterday we spoke of the blood-sucking leeches who fill every chair – and perhaps bed – in our saintly state Legislature, which at least keeps them off two lists liberals crave, food stamps and welfare.

In America’s worst run, highest taxed, fattest business-losing state in the union, today’s liberal leech is a half-dot in the universe, Tom (Y’all Oughta See Me Play the Tom-Toms) Torlakson.

He gave up a promising career as a security guard at a house of classy prostitution last year to become (hold your applause, please) the state Superintendent of Schools.

If you remember the old television comedy of 30 years ago “WKRP in Cincinnati,” Tom-Tom fills the role of Mr. Carlson. He suns himself beneath his desk every day, hoping he can think of something that will make time pass more engagingly.

President Reagan and others were on target when they said retaining the laughable U.S. Dept. of Education was like teaching ballroom dancing to nuns.

I guarantee that not one person in Culver City has felt the effects of Tom-Tom’s useless work since he took office, and they won’t for the rest of his term unless he and his gun both get loaded and dash into a classroom.

This leech made an announcement yesterday as if he were a grownup doing real work.

His state Dept. of Education released a farcical 90-page report (a mere 1/16th of 1 percent the size of ObamaCare) comically called “Greatness by Design: Supporting Outstanding Teaching to Sustain a Golden State,” which Tom-Tom cleverly called the state’s most comprehensive look at teaching in more than a decade.

In the profession of selling your body, this is known as busywork.

Tom-Tom told panting reporters that by golly whillickers, what this here mis-run state needs is big-time reform in the way teachers are recruited, trained, mentored and evaluated.

Having flunked both his Boy Scout and marital exams for bravery, bet Bill Clinton’s next lie detector test that Tom-Tom lacks the fortitude to aggressively pursue teacher evaluations.

As someone witty recently said, Tom-Tom is more overmatched than a gay dwarf stalking Shaq.

Beat your tom-toms Tom-Tom, and then beat a path outta here.