Even if you held this morning’s copy of the Los Angeles Titanic up to your bad ear, the groaning disappointment steaming from their unusually lengthy lead editorial, “Goldstone’s flip-flop,” would have been loud enough to drown out a biker rally roaring through your bedroom at 3 a.m.
The boys downtown couldn’t have been more devastated if their wives had told them on their honeymoons, “Your brother is the one I really love.”
“We had them Jews, and dang, they got away again,” could be heard sailing around the Titanic’s editorial offices last night.
The bad news for gentiles and self-loathing Jews who are not keen about Israel began last Friday morning in the Washington Post.
Richard Goldstone, always described as a “respected” South African jurist because his politics are on the left, begged a retraction, in large part, of a universally embraced report that his U.N.-appointed commission issued some months after Israel’s late 2008 incursion into the rocket-happy, terrorist-governed Gaza Strip.
Here Is the Best Part
The massive and damning document condemned Israel’s behavior during the three-week payback for years of rocket attacks on the Jewish state, adding that Israelis and Hamas both behaved abysmally in ways their mothers never would have couched.
The favorite passage for Jew-haters held that Israel — historically proud of fielding the most moral army on the planet — was accused of deliberately targeting Palestinian civilians.
Even a casual observer of Arab behavior in the Middle East Knows that since the 1970s, the terrorists’ trademark has been hiding their fighters behind and around women and children. When Israelis pull the trigger, those morally gigantic Arabs can flip on their cameras and caterwaul, “See there! Look what the Jews did!” My unworldly grandfather who has been dead since the ‘30s would have seen through that fiction.
What made the Goldstone commission’s final findings so irresistibly delicious was that the judge not only was a Jew but “a respected” legal figure. How did these geniuses learn the truth — by interviewing the most objective people on earth, Gaza Arabs and Muslims.
What a Fantastic Fusion of Fabulous News
Not a skeptic in the whole room.
The Fourth of July kissed Christmas, New Year’s and Easter Sunday smack on the lips when the second-most honest people on earth, the United Nations, jubilantly unveiled the Goldstone commission conclusion.
From Los Angeles all the way around the globe and back again, there was deafening cheering — it was respectable for Jew-haters and objective observers to stand side by side in the daylight because a panel led by “a respected” Jewish jurist had validated what Jew-haters have been saying before there were Jews.
Slowly the news of Mr. Goldstone’s recantation has made its way across the country, Jew-haters reluctant to acknowledge that their foolproof frameup was teetering.
How do you unprove such an astounding claim, beyond saying “I have seen visual evidence demonstrating that Israeli troops did not do what I said they did”? But don’t tell the boys at the Titantic because they want controvertible proof. I will send Murgatroyd out for a refill.
The boys downtown who put together this morning’s Titanic almost swore to return to alcoholism, so irretrievably were they distressed by Mr. Goldstone’s “flip-flop.” How could he? How could he? they kept thundering throughout the overwritten editorial.
Like good boys, they saved their most disingenuous line for the end:
“If any of (the Goldstone commission accusations against Israel) were wrong, then Goldstone owes the a detailed explanation so that the truth can be revealed.”
Mind you, the boys at the Titanic are in panic over the Goldstone flip-flop the day after Bozo Obama engineers his latest and perhaps biggest of all flip-flips, agreeing grudgingly for a Gitmo trial for the engineer of 9-1-1. Now that is class, boys.
