[img]560|left|Nicholas D. Pollak|remove link|no_popup[/img]Extremely upset that he might lose his new girlfriend, a client called me in a desperate state. He wanted me to help him to keep her. He always needed to be involved with someone, he said. He could not function well when he didn’t have a relationship.
In every relationship, he has feared abandonment.
He is a high-powered businessperson, who loves to meet and mingle with people. But with his professional success came a certain level of isolation. He controlled his multiple business concerns from home, or wherever he happened to be.
He told me he was in an envious position, having all the free time he wanted with all the money he wanted. But he never had found a satisfying relationship, and he was permanently saddled with an empty feeling.
Commonly in a relationship, he declares his undying love for the woman after a few weeks, plies her with a steady stream of expensive gifts and explicitly informs her he is looking for the right person to marry and have children with.
When Everything Changed
His father left his mother when he was eight years old, and he grew up a mommy’s boy. His mother had to take two jobs to support them, and he spent a lot of time by himself. It is clear his fear of abandonment comes from this period. His mother was not around as much as he needed.
In my language, he is a physically sexual male, more than 70 percent physically sexual. What does this mean? He enjoys being around people, loves team activities and family. His type usually is a supervisor at work. Physicals attract others to them without having to make it happen.
They love to be loved, and they love to love. They function best in a satisfying relationship, and genuinely suffer physical pain when a relationship fails.
In relationships, as in nature, it is an immutable law that opposites attract. My client is such a high physical, he will attract a high “emotional.” The emotional is not subject to emotional outbursts but, rather, is somewhat detached, clinical, logical. A cold fish, good in business or individual activities, prefers to be alone or to pit her/himself against the elements.
Defining Differences
In a relationship what it means is that they are more reserved than a physical, happier when quiet. They want sex much less than the physical, and this alone can cause problems in a relationship.
The lady my client is dating appears to have all the attributes he could want – except she was reserved about wanting to be involved to the level he was displaying. He did not want to endure abandonment from her. He simply said if this relationship did not work out, he would be so unhappy.
It is fruitless to be in a relationship if you are afraid of being abandoned. He had to be confident within himself that whether or not he was in a relationship, that no longer would dictate his feelings. He needed to realize he is successful in his own right. If he is no good for himself, he is not good for anyone else.
Once he understood the differences between the physical and emotional, he began to understand how to build a solid relationship with his girlfriend. Rather than spending his time worrying about losing his girlfriend, he began to let go of the control. He shifted the focus to what he wanted in a relationship.
As he let her be her natural self, he became his natural self, mutual feelings of caring, love and concern for each other came to the surface. The more they relaxed, the better their relationship. They took the commitment pressure off of themselves. Soon they actually began to help each other out in their careers.
His fear of abandonment eased as his confidence grew. He recognized he made his own new feelings. The more he changed the better he became. Self-confidence soared, and their relationship thrives to this day.
If you have any questions please do not hesitate to contact me by telephone, 310.204.3321, or by email at nickpollak@hypnotherapy4you.net. See my website at www.hypnotherapy4you.net
