What do you make of Sarah Palin?
I dunno, either.
Although I have strenuously defended her in the past from unrelenting, obsessive, irrational, puerile attacks by bozo liberals — a designation spanning 90 percent of that down-style crowd — I still am puzzled. I do not yet know how to evaluate her 27 months along.
If I were dating Ms. Palin, I probably would continue asking her out until I determined whether I wanted to see her every day I am alive or whether once, briefly, every other decade would be satisfactory.
Sexy, sassy, savvy, smarter than a roomful of Ph.Ds, she is more charismatic than any public figure in the Western world. She draws huge crowds whenever she steps from a car. Paychecks flow into her bank account as if they were riding a magnetized tidal wave. Miles ahead of the used shoe salesman in the White House cerebrally, she does not need to swing her head from left to right like a ventriloquist’s dummy to read teleprompters when speaking. The difference is her real-world experience and that she actually believes what she tells crowds.
She Is No. 1 — What Ranks Higher?
Why should she run for President when she already is bigger than he is? For tangible barometers, she is richer and more popular, not to mention better-looking, sharper, and, being a conservative, infinitely happier.
She packs the natural magic that the used shoe salesman promised but failed to deliver. As authentic as Alaskan snow, she wields the sincerity he only dreams he possessed. He is the homeless man’s Sarah Palin.
A few months ago, she contracted to give a speech at a California university that no one off campus ever heard of. The Los Angeles Titanic and their all-girl character assassins exploded in belchingly jealous rages. Gotta stop her, gotta smear her, they girlishly bellow back and forth across the newsroom. The Titanic’s green-eyed girl wannabes try to turn Ms. Palin’s appearance into a scandal that just won’t take.
The plain, largely unmarried girls on the elite left are flatly envious of Ms. Palin’s star power, her razor-edged mind, her classiness, her honesty and her fulfilling home life. They would love to know how she did it. But they just can’t bring themselves to crack “You betcha.”
Can’t Take My Eyes Off of You, Tra-la-la
She is wildly more popular than Swish, and he is just as baffled and bothered by her universal popularity as the rest of the distracted left.
If you write about politics, given the elite left’s maniacal preoccupation with her breathing, Ms. Palin’s name bobs to the surface more regularly than anyone’s on the planet. Even though she is from Wassila and he is from Chicago, it is the perplexing Ms. Can’t Take Your Eyes Off of Her who makes Swish Obama resemble a dropout rube from hicksville.
Sarah got up this morning. It’s news. Sarah pumped gas into her car’s tank. It’s news. The elitists can’t help themselves. They have got to stare at her and talk about her.
I did not even realize Ms. Palin had a new reality show until I turned yesterday morning to the Huffington Post, her No. 1 (unintentional) promoter and read this headline: WATCH: Sarah Palin Accused Of Violating Wildlife Guidelines In New Reality Show
The HuffPo carries a story if Ms. Palin has Diet Coke instead of regular Coke for lunch. Whoopee.
The next time I visited the site, the publicity seeker’s criticism had been supplanted by: 'Sarah Palin's Alaska' Ratings Break TLC Record
I know TLC is a channel, but I have no idea where it is on our television. I would have to start at channel 3 and check each stop. I surely don’t know what TLC stands for. The report was that a TLC record 5 million viewers watched Ms. Palin’s debut show on Sunday night. This means I am dumber than at least 5 million of my fellow Republicans. Surely Democrats did not tune in.
The left cannot stop talking about Ms. Palin any more than they can resist ogling a gorgeous doll who just strutted by.
Frankly, I place Ms. Palin in the same category as Angelina Jolie and Scarlett Johansson, dazzlingly irresistible. You can have the rest.
That does not make Ms. Palin Presidential material. Or does it? President Palin? Nah.
I don’t think she is preparing for a White House run, even if Swishie takes the Washington Post’s extraordinary advice on Sunday’s front page and declares he will not seek a second term. But who knows? Perhaps this is her runup?
I hope she stashes her marketing people in a left-proof vault every night. These geniuses have devised the most brilliant human marketing campaign in the history of America. I only wish I had her life expectancy. Todd, you may be the luckiest guy in America.
