[img]96|left|||no_popup[/img]Dateline Jerusalem — A single person in Israel becomes the object of everyone's good intentions to perform a “mitzvah” by finding the single person a spouse.
Some take it upon themselves personally to find the perfect mate for their friends and relatives.
Others search out the services of a “shadchan” (matchmaker) for the “shidduch” (match).
Even strangers get into the act. When I first arrived, I went to a market and the guard at the door asked me if I were married. When I replied the magic answer of “no,” he gave me the name and phone number of the cousin of a cousin. Needless to say, I did not call.
My synagogue has a special “shidduch” committee that meets once a month. Their list of eligible bachelors and bachelorettes usually consists of young men and women from approximately 18-25 years old. On occasion, the older single finds his or her way onto the list. That is where I come into the equation.
Me. Vs. Them
I am in my late 50s, divorced, and hoping to find my “beshert” (soulmate). According to the Torah (bible), everyone has a soulmate. Although I have been previously married, it is obvious that I have not found mine, or I would still be married. Therefore, I am the “perfect” specimen for my kind-hearted friends.
Of course, I am not perfect for the prospective groom. I am no longer pretty, no longer thin, no longer sweet, no longer charming, no longer full of energy, and my IQ goes down on a daily basis. So why are all these men lining up to date me? Well, in comparison, I am a great catch. I HAVE A JOB! I am an attorney, and they think I am rich.
First there was the man who had no job. When he finally found work, he stopped seeing me. No goodbye, no explanation, no communication. I guess he no longer needed someone to support him.
Then there was the guy who had been married 4 or 5 times but would not even meet me because I own a TV. I rarely watch my TV, but I do not feel like giving it up under those circumstances.
Then there was the man who was purported to be an intellectual and great conversationalist but bored me because he was so quiet. When he finally opened his mouth to speak, it was a mumble. Perhaps it was because he was trying so hard to hide that fact that he had no teeth.
Of course, there was the good-looking guy 17 years younger than me. He lived in a small religious community and was “looking for action” elsewhere. He must have been desperate to want me, and disappointed to find out that I am “shomer negiah” (untouchable). No wonder his wife divorced him and kept their 8 children from seeing him.
Many Strings Were Attached
Then there was the friend who was looking to find a wife for his friend's father. His friend promised him a job if he could find the father a match. The father had been divorced several times and needed someone to care for his 6-year-old daughter. He spoke no English and I spoke no Hebrew. No match! Now my friend is angry because he didn't get the job.
Considering the “shidduch dates” I have been on, I now begin to wonder what people really think of me. If these men were supposed to be my perfect matches, then do my friends believe that I am also a major loser?
It is a good thing that living in Israel is so wonderful. I really do not mind being single, enjoying life without a soulmate. But, should you know of someone…
L'hitraot. Shachar
Shachar is the Hebrew name of a California-based attorney and former Los Angeles County deputy sheriff who moved to Israel two years ago this month.
