Were I married to Slapsie Maxie (I Am a Crook) Waters, I would sleep with two loaded guns and a horse’s head so she could see herself in the mirror.
Except, again, for my second wife, she is the most intemperate, undisciplined woman I ever have encountered, publicly or privately.
If she were a horse — the jury continues to ponder — I would hire two boys to break her, and give them a two-year deadline.
This is a tough old broad — equal emphasis on all three terms — with skin that resembles the texture of a dirty, ill-fitting shoe after 15 years of muddy wear.
Even though she is a Member of Congress, this vulgar, untamed mule of a woman infringes on the chamber’s reputation and due respect almost every time she speaks as a U.S. representative. Her temper masters her most days of the week.
Crude and despotic, a black version of the KKK, Slapsie turned 73 years old last week. But she has acted like a pampered brat most of the 35 years she has disgraced herself in public life.
Her vile, uncontrollable temper suggests she should be sprayed and remanded to a dog house until she memorizes better behavior.
A Lady Would Wear a Muzzle
A 20-year Member of Congress from South Los Angeles, her self-consumed, boorish, classless behavior is a horrible reflection on the inattentive voters of South-Southwest Los Angeles.
They must reason that being black is good enough for them, and then they check off Whazzername’s line on the ballot every two years.
Civility — and colored hair — never have been her strengths.
Like our Dear Leader, the raggedy old broad can’t go too long without seeing her name in print. Responding in the base manner of a reliable, aging cow, she knows how to start a buzz.
At least for the last 80 years, the Democrat Party has been the home of the lightest thinkers in the country. They are like Pavlov’s dogs — ring a bell and they come a-runnin’.
Say certain words, and they line up like trained seals.
One of them there phrases that gets them there smart people all spruced up and het up is “Tea Party.”
Whether it is the Los Angeles Titanic, your mouldy old dog who should have died five years ago or your nutty Uncle Felix, Democrats respond the same predictable way.
Ring the bell, and away they sprint.
Look at Me, Please
Starved for attention so she could practice her phony rant act, Ms. Crazy screwed her face into an abnormal contortion and said the Tea Party could go to heck. Except that Ms. Crazy used a vulgarism.
And what journalistic cream puff, in desperate search of a storyline, should celebrate Ms. Crazy but a junior version of the old broad Sandy (My Garsh, I Love Victimhood) Banks.
The often untethered Ms. Banks and the predictably incivil Ms. Crazy — they are like rubbing two sticks of discount dynamite together. Should you pinch your nose or shut your eyes?
When Slapsie has an audience of a thousand unemployed constituents who are as angry as she is, this is worse than driving cross-country with Moamar (Maxine) Kadaffy as your only passenger.
This was an assembly that only could have been organized by the Marx Brothers or a Disneyland group known as Good Jobs L.A. — remind me to commend them on their effectiveness. Los Angeles unemployment is a modest 12 percent — modest compared to Libya, where it is 83 percent and growing during a Democrat administration.
The genius in the White House, who said he would not rest until every last unemployed person was hired, must be sleepwalking in them there cool shades as he swishes among the gilded at Martha’s Vineyard, which he pronounces as VINE-yard.
Soon, thank heaven, he will be able to enjoy richly deserved rest.
As if she really were 3 years old and unwrapping a surprise gift on Christmas morning, Ms. Crazy reached into the deepest pocket of her clown suit and withdraw a statistic we can only guess thrilled the room to the point of perspiration.
Declaring that the “Congressional Black Caucus” should be praised, her punchline was:
Forty job development bills are in the pipeline, she said.
I have goosebumps. What a coup. Unemployment should sink to 2 percent by Sunday morning church-time.
“Corporations” is another of them there Democrat buzz words, and eagle-eyed Ms. Crazy didn’t allow that one to escape her, either.
Said Aunt Blabby:
“We’re making corporations do job fairs all across the country.”
You betcha, girl. If they don’t, are you going to burn a green-energy cross on their lawn?
