Who is running this state, Mutt the Martyr, our self-bedazzled President (who really said yesterday “Lincoln didn’t have to go through what I have”), or Gov. Bald (I Feel Like Such a Failure) Retread?
Or Lassie?
Can you tell them apart if you don’t count legs?
When I opened my delightfully skinny Los Angeles Titanic this morning, the first headline that made me smile, at least wanly, was on lucky page 15 — “Policymaking on hold as Brown nurses his wounds.”
Gov. Retread is having a worse year than Frank McCourt, but only the Irishman gets bad press. He must be a Republican.
This morning’s headline was the closest the Titanic has inched to calling the unbeloved governor a flop.
If the Titanic ran another crooked poll, they would report that Mr. Retread has 75 percent policy support and 90 percent of Californians adore him.
Eight months of no winning results — I don’t think a single significant Retread initiative has been passed, even though every darned legislator in both chambers is a Democrat except for the Republican janitors.
• He tried to raise three different streams of taxes but was turned away by cool Republicans.
• He tried to kill Redevelopment Agencies, and he has been foiled so effectively that he has a better chance of getting pregnant by Labor Day.
The only other activity he spawned was the budget, which could not have attracted more laughs if it had been delivered at the circus.
But the media is so busy making fun of Republican candidates, they can’t be bothered to soberly evaluate sinking Democrat officeholders.
You would have thought Titanic reporter Mike Mishak was describing his bride on their wedding night, so tippy-toe delicate was his disingenuous assessment of Gov. Retread’s dismal record.
Like Mutt the Martyr, Mr. Mishak’s limited lexicon tells us that the governor is a victim, just as Mutt says he is. The Titanic informed the slow among us that Mr. Retread would be flying among the angels this afternoon except, darn it, that “his spending plan is being challenged in court, may be assailed at the ballot box and is already being buffeted by a stubborn recession.”
Stubborn, is it?
Later, the fragile Mr. Mishak, a dutiful human shield for Gov. Retread, under orders, uses the phrase “persistent unemployment” in California.
Fear not. Like worms, Our worries just killed themselves.
Our pal Bald is at the ready with a superb idea that is sure to make grown men quiver before weeping.
The Sacramento genius announced that tomorrow he will appoint a Jobs Czar, one Mike Rossi, retired from the Bank of America.
Wait’ll I tell Mom. She will kvell so loudly she will come down with laryngitis.
Unemployment in California should plunge from 12 percent to 3 percent by Sunday, Monday at the latest.
Mutt the Martyr promised he will unveil his super secret Captain America job plan next month — if he can just remember where he hid the darned thing.
Thank you, dear God, for lavishing mature state and national leadership on our lucky heads.
