[img]560|left|Nicholas D. Pollak|remove link|no_popup[/img]A neighbor told me what he thought would be shocking news. He was surprised when I said I knew it was going to happen.
He just had been released from a horrible night in jail. His wife had reported him to the police for allegedly threatening her during one of their frequent fights. She said she feared for her life.
When he was released the day after, he was forbidden to return home for a week, and then only with a sheriff as an escort to collect clothes and other essentials.
Married for 12 years, they had lived together five years before that. He said he was tired of living with a child at a stage in life where he wanted a partner. She was 12 years his junior and had been a drug addict for quite some time, using a back injury as an excuse to do her drugs of choice.
No Choice but to Leave
Any woman who would send him to jail was not someone he could be with again, he said. He vowed not to walk around on eggshells, wondering when she would call the cops. His soon to be ex-wife had just undergone back surgery and was taking a large number of painkillers while smoking pot daily. Her reasoning was that the doctors have given her the medications so she should take them, whether needed or not. The drugs were destroying her and their marriage, he said.
Knowing nothing of the behaviors of a drug addict, he was surprised to learn that it was a progressive disease. Her bouts of addiction were becoming longer and deeper with lessening desire on her part to do anything about this. She was in denial about having a problem.
“I am not an addict,” she said. “I can stop the drugs I am taking at any time.”
However, she would disappear for hours. She would continually overspend their credit cards, leaving him frustrated and angry at her recklessness. Constant back pain was her excuse to stay in bed, avoiding having to cook breakfast for her husband or taking her daughter to school.
Her moods and volatile behavior became magnified. Having become easy to set off, loud arguments were common. She constantly claimed her husband was mentally abusive and over-controlling.
Divorce Was Inevitable
She since has filed for a divorce and a continuation of the restraining order she has against him. He was presented with the papers when he picked up his possessions from the house he is paying for and is now no longer permitted to enter.
They have a seven-year-old daughter. What stung the most was that he had just bought her birthday gifts that he was going to give to her for her birthday three days after he was arrested. Now he could not even contact her.
As much as I would like to say that hypnotherapy could repair this marriage I cannot.
But I can show both parties how their own behaviors or sexuality have impacted their relationships. Even though both think the other is to blame, it takes two. Each had an equal role in the destruction.
I view relationships from the physical and emotional perspectives. A pattern evolve between partners and one pattern is that opposites always attract. It is an immutable law of nature, and the very things that attracted each to each other are the very things that will ultimately annoy and destroy a relationship.
She wanted to be at home, have a family and not work. He wanted a family and an at-home wife who would care for their child. She wanted him to be a success. He wanted to be a success.
Unfortunately, to accomplish this meant that he had to be away from home at least three days a week, traveling the world. As a musician, he is very controlled in everything he does. She was the opposite. Spontaneous, a social butterfly, she had to be the center of attention, even if negative.
She demanded physical contact, frequent intimacy. When refused, she became hostile. Unless she had sex frequently, she would feel unloved. She would nag her husband. Although he loved to make love, his need was not as strong. His travel schedule left him more fatigued than she was. It is usual for the physical partner, the wife in this case, to have a much higher sex drive than the emotional. Her incessant complaining made him reluctant to return home after a tour. But his love for his daughter brought him there.
He had no idea a day that started like any other — all three of them having fun in the morning — would end up with him in jail some eight hours later.
As a hypnotherapist, it is important to help couples understand how they communicate and behave; to help them see how they are able to work with each other and to help each other to gain the careers and family life they want with minimal friction.
It appeared this couple had the ingredients for a successful marriage. But the typical habit patterns occurred where the physical wife was not given the attention she wanted from her emotional husband because he was on the road. He likes his space. He was concentrating on career because the more he was successful the more he earned, the greater the material possessions he could buy. In his mind, that showed him to be a loving father, husband, provider.
Since opposites attract, her desire to be pampered and a mother was aligned with his desire to be a successful musician with a stay-at- home wife caring for their daughter. Had they known of the differences between the physical and the emotional, they would have understood each other’s behaviors more fully. Divorce would have been avoided.
If you have any questions please do not hesitate to contact me by telephone, 310.204.3321, or by email at nickpollak@hypnotherapy4you.net. See my website at www.hypnotherapy4you.net
