An unusual number of recent clients have shared the same problem – whether men or women, when their partner ends a relationship, they cannot get over the hurt.
All react the same: They do not understand why their partners left.
The answer is not complicated.
I use two categories when helping a client with a relationship issue: physical and emotional. We are a combination of both, one being our dominant behavior, the other our subdominant. We will have some behaviors of our partner. If I am 60 percent emotional, then I am 40 percent physical, my subdominant behavior. And the reverse is true.
In each case my client is a physical. Usually in excess of 70 percent, which is quite high and can cause problems. Physicals enjoy life through their bodies. They love to feel. Family is their No. 1 priority, followed by activities involving lots of people and work.
Emotionals are the opposite, cool, logical. They tend to experience their lives mentally. Work is their No. 1 priority followed by activities and family. Remember, in nature, opposites attract, and so it is in relationships.
When physicals enter a relationship, they do not have sex on the first date. They want to know their partner appreciates them, holds the door open, holds a chair, does not have a roving eye.
Jumping the Fence
Emotionals, thinking the other way, likely will have sex because they have a greater ability to compartmentalize. Once a physical recognizes the emotional is attentive, he or she will relent by the fourth or fifth date.
This is where problems can begin. The physical experiences love through touch and through sex. The more hugs and kisses, the happier they grow.
Unfortunately, the emotional does not have the same sex drive. He expresses love by buying gifts. The more expensive the greater the love. At first, emotionals are happy to have sex as often as their physical partner wants. After the honeymoon stage, though, true behaviors spring to the forefront. When the emotional tells the physical he only wants sex every three days rather than daily, the physical begins to feel unappreciated. He/she will push harder for increased physical interaction. If the physical is rejected, he or she will accelerate demands on the partner.
Emotionals always work. The harder they toil, the more they can buy for their partners, the better their standard of living. The emotional may want sex once every three days. Emotionals must picture the sex act in their minds to grow aroused. Unlike a physical who will always hold back a little to be ready for the next time, the emotional holds nothing back, is spent and will not be ready for two or three days.
Tripping and Falling
How easy it is for one person to misunderstand the other. Physicals feel extreme pain when rejected or when a relationship ends.
Emotionals commonly will not leave a relationship unless they have a new partner.
For physical clients, desensitization to their ex-partners, teaching them to feel less and think more is the solution. That advice coupled with reading the book “Relationship Strategies, the Emotional and Physical Attraction,” by John Kappas, Ph.D, helps physicals understand their behaviors and their partners’. Before they know it, the relationship is back on track.
Do not hesitate to contact me by telephone, 310.204.3321, or by email at nickpollak@hypnotherapy4you.net. See my website at www.hypnotherapy4you.net
