[img]541|left|||no_popup[/img]Until my divorce, writing music never crossed my mind. I had no training, and I was terrified to hear others' judgments about my own creations. It was hard enough playing other people’s music well.
When I stood up for myself and left my ex (and what many perceived to be a great life), I tasted failure on a new level. My comfortable life shattered into fragments of unreturned phone calls to supposed friends, slashed bank accounts, and doubts about my sanity.
Armed with time and a need to find peace with myself, I delved deeper into books that had terrified my ex. Ayn Rand’s Atlas Shrugged, Louise Hay’s Heal Your Body, Heal Your Life, and Francis Scovel Shin’s The Game of Life lived on my nightstand. I could ask a question, open any of these books, read a passage, and find my answer.
After a few months, I made lists of things I was afraid to do and then started doing them. I liberated my body through belly dance classes. I filled tear-stained journals with poetry. I took a drawing class. Eventually, after getting used to the idea of not having to go from beginner to world-renowned expert in 30 days, I started to write music.
The Process
I don’t write music just to hear it performed, just like I don’t draw with the intent of getting a gallery show. I write what I need to write because it needs to be expressed. It is who I become in writing, drawing, or dancing that is important.
Some of the music I write is good, and some isn’t.
Growth involves numerous experiments, many of which are risky, many of which may end in failure (at least in a traditional sense). It takes a lot of tries to learn how to ride a bike with no hands, to build a computer that will revolutionize the way we all live, to create a captivating composition.
As such, I am learning I must write the good and the not-so-good pieces. For it is the process of falling down and getting back up that creates the depth and experience that will ultimately move audiences.
Ms. Dewberry, an accomplished cellist, completed her DMA in Chamber Music Performance from UCLA in December 2005. She received her MM in Cello Performance from UCLA in June 2002 and her B.M. in Cello Performance from Western Michigan University in April 1998. She also holds a B.A. in French with a minor in Women's Studies and Philosophy.
Ms. Dewberry is celebrating the release of her latest album, “Origins.”
Her website is www.carterdewberry.com
She may be contacted at carter@carterdewberry.com
