[img]396|left|Alex Campbell||no_popup[/img] I’ve been to hell and back.
It started out innocently enough.
I had a slight sore throat, and post nasal drip crud collected at the back of my throat. I always get a visual of a cave with stalactites when I have post nasal drip.
Drip, drip, drip goes the stuff that’s supposed to stay in your nose. Are there bats in the cave? Is someone giving a guided tour? Will I always sound like Rachel Ray?
I stayed home one day and bravely went to work the rest of the week.
Usually, I run to the doctor at the first sign of discomfort. Nine times out of 10, I’m sent home with the diagnosis of the common cold.
I’ve had my throat swabbed numerous times over the years. Never can be too careful as a preschool teacher.
A Mouthful of What?
Ever get a throat culture to see if you have strep throat? It’s tons of fun. The doctor sticks two extra long cotton swabs in your mouth and swirls them on each side of your throat until you gag. Then she takes the swabs out so you can breathe. One swab gives you results in seven minutes. If that comes back negative, they send the other one to the lab for results in two days.
My rapid results came back negative, and the doctor said it looked like just a virus. Curses! The hypochondriac is foiled again. Doc gave me a prescription for some kind of decongestant, and I was happy to continue my plans of going away for the weekend. Which didn’t really include sleeping the entire time, but that’s what ended up happening.
On Sunday morning, my sore throat had diminished. Yay!
However, it was replaced by a feeling that my head was full of something that resembled one of my favorite playthings from childhood. It was a green gelatinous substance; it came in a plastic container that looked like a miniature trash can. It was called Slime. All you did with it was squish it around in your hands, throw it at your friends, and talk about how gross it was.
I loved it.
Wash Your Hands Afterward
But I digress; lost in a childhood memory, I stray from my original line of thought, and that is to say that what had collected in my head on Sunday morning reminded me of the Slime I used to play with as a child. Got that visual? Great.
I went downstairs to eat. As I stood in line, I suddenly felt dizzy. I had to go back upstairs and lie down. I looked at my bottle of medicine. There was a big yellow sticker on the side that said, “May cause dizziness.” Thanks for that. Guess I wouldn’t be taking any more of that medicine!
My dear friend Kristine brought me breakfast in bed and then drove more than two hours home. I collapsed in bed, and stayed there for the rest of the day. The next day, my primary doctor prescribed me my antibiotic of choice, super pills that you take over the course of five days.
Umm, No Longer Outrageous
I went through almost an entire box of tissues (never have I been more appreciative of tissues infused with lotion, an idea I had previously dismissed as ridiculous).
Under my bathroom sink, I found that blue jar of vaporizing goo that smelled full of menthol even five years after its expiration date. Drop a blob of it in a bowl of hot steaming water, and stick your face in the steam with a towel over your head. That stuff is so strong, it will clear impure thoughts from your head.
My poor cat was almost vaporized into thin air. She stood in the middle of the room and sniffed at the unfamiliar scent. Then her little face pinched almost shut, and she ran to the front door. I let her out into the hallway and opened a window.
It took me a couple of days, many bowls of chicken soup, and a lot of sleep to feel human again. I knew I was on the mend when I started writing this piece. I also feel well enough to surf the net. I wonder if there’s any Slime on eBay?
Ms. Campbell may be contacted at campbellalexandra@hotmail.com
