I am seeing more clients who have trouble letting go of past relationships. They are obsessed. They say they want to move beyond these relationships and negative thoughts.
Interestingly, these are very outgoing persons who rely on physical intimacy and the physical presence of their partner to feel loved and wanted. Constantly upset that their soon-to-be ex-partners never were around, they complain that the partner did not pay enough attention when they were together, often being distracted.
I have written before that there are two kinds of individuals:
Physical: Outgoing and friendly, holds a supervisorial-type of job. Family is the person’s No. 1 concern, with people-centric activities being No. 2 and work No. 3.
Emotional: Cool, clearheaded and introverted, the emotional person’s No. 1 focus is work, followed by individual activities, with family being No. 3. If an Emotional had a choice of a family birthday party or overtime at work, work will win every time.
With few exceptions, each of us is a blend of the two types. One, however, will be dominant.
An immutable law of nature states that opposites attract. Unfortunately, these opposites cause arguments as a relationship develops. For example, while dating, the new couple is inseparable. They go everywhere together. They visit each other’s parents and friends, doing what the other person wants to do because they are in the honeymoon period as they find out about each other.
Trouble Enters Through Front Door
But after awhile, one balks at going out all the time. He or she would prefer quiet time at home or has work to do. Ultimately, the Physical complains that the Emotional always wants to be home. The Emotional responds that the Physical only wants to go out.
Further, the Physical charges that the Emotional is at work too much, too tired to have sex more than once every three days. Just as bitterly, the Physical blames their lack of intimacy on the Emotional’s absence. The Emotional does not understand why the Physical is accusatory since working creates income and the income allows the Emotional to buy the expensive gifts that express love of his partner.
The Physical declines to accept this claim. He wants the Emotional at home. The Emotional cannot be both places. Harder and harder, the Physical pushes for greater intimacy. Exasperated, the Emotional withdraws because of the heat being applied.
A Physical always is ready for sex after merely a simple touch. The Emotional, though, must be mentally stimulated before getting physical. A Physical will be ready to have sex again almost immediately. Not so fast, responds the Emotional, happy with a schedule of every two or three days.
The point: If there had been an understanding about how their conflicting individual behaviors would affect each other, followed by a willingness to compromise, there would be peace. They need to agree that although they are progressing as a couple, they also need to grow as individuals within their chosen careers.
A Proven Formula
When each supports each other, the couple becomes more successful financially and emotionally. Under this arrangement, they can achieve their marital goals and their separate individual objectives.
As much as we would like to think we have control over another person, remember the harder you try to hold onto something or someone, he, she, it may slip away. When you set him, her or it free, you have created a mutual respect bound to lead to a fulfilling conclusion.
Do not hesitate to contact me by telephone, 310.204.3321, or by email at nickpollak@hypnotherapy4you.net. See my website at www.hypnotherapy4you.net
