When a client came to see me a few days ago, he just had been released from jail four hours earlier, and he was in a highly emotional state. He needed help.
He was crying uncontrollably as he completed the necessary paperwork.
He apologized for his crying, and I said it was okay. This gave me the immediate opportunity to point out something important:
It is all
His body simply was reacting to the easing of the considerable pressures that he had been dealing with in jail, and his relief at finally being out.
I asked him to continue the paperwork, crying or not. The task would give him a focus point, allowing him to continue to function mentally even though he was still crying.
By the time the paperwork was finished, he had stopped crying. He was becoming more stable.
It reminded me of when I, too, was in an emotional turmoil and could not calm down. It was suggested that I get a cold washcloth and wet the back of my neck and wrists. I did, and to my surprise, I calmed down almost immediately.
The simple act of wetting the washcloth and placing it on the suggested areas was enough to regain control of my emotions and turn my attention to the situation at hand.
Want to Change? Nah, Not Really
Although we may say we like to explore new things, in the end it is the simple daily routines that serve to create a better balance in an otherwise difficult day.
In Alcoholics Anonymous (a 12-step program), it is suggested that when your mind is in a turmoil a good course of action is to go into your kitchen and start to count every piece of china and cutlery.
If you still are not calmed down, count again. Occupying your mind with the mundane is enough to slow your thinking, to allow you to think more rationally.
The client who came to see me explained what had happened while he was in jail, why he was put there and what he had to do to prevent being sent back.
An ex-Marine with a bad temper (or so he says), he was constantly told he was slow, which upset him. He says he has a good and fast intellect.
In this instance, he was a victim of being told all his life that he was slow. Instead of sticking to his guns and proving himself capable, he believed he actually was slow. As a result, he became associated with a negative peer group and ended up in trouble.
Setting Goals
During the session, after ensuring that he was calmer than he had been on his arrival, and before hypnotizing him, I asked his goals, what he wanted to be, what his ideal lifestyle was. He answered with a confidence that he had not previously shown.
I suggested his path to success, happiness and prosperity was filled with challenges but to overcome the challenges he should continually congratulate himself on any success, small or big, and to use these successes as stepping stones.
Although his goal was a fine one, I suggested that he should not be disappointed in not reaching it immediately. To achieve that major goal would require creating many smaller goals to help him.
He was a very reactive person. I made certain he understood to ask himself before taking any action:
“Is what I am doing going to contribute to my success, happiness and prosperity?”
If it was, follow through. If not, reject the idea.
I told him he might like to adopt a new mantra, “Action not words.”
He appeared grateful. He admitted that throughout his life he had said a lot but never acted on what he said he would do, leaving people dependant on him disappointed. His inaction also led him to lying about what he was supposed to have done, compounding his negative view of himself.
I suggested that for at least the next 21 days, he make protein his drug of choice. He needed to eat small amounts of protein every two hours to stabilize his wildly fluctuating sugar levels, which were creating mood swings and stopping him from thinking more rationally.
A week later, he was a different person. He was eating protein regularly, his moods had stabilized, allowing him to think clearly about his situation and the steps he needed to take to resolve it.
He came to understand his situation was not going to be fixed quickly, but that he had found a new, higher level of functioning that contributed tremendously to his overall attitude and self-confidence.
Self-confidence is not something we are born with. We must learn it. One way would be to congratulate ourselves on small successes en route to our goals. We can congratulate ourselves for the smallest things as we start to build our confidence. Congratulate yourself for getting out of bed a little earlier than usual, for making sure you show up for an appointment, or for doing something you have needed to do but have been putting off.
Understanding the principle, he has been working diligently to build his confidence, and, with good success.
He still has to face the consequences of his prior actions. He admits that he is now far better equipped to deal with his situation.
He has a clear goal for his future. He has mapped out the series of steps he needs to take to reach his goal, and he has stabilized his moods with a low sugar, high protein diet.
No longer seeing himself as slow, he realizes he is a capable and confident individual who has made mistakes and is doing all he can to make amends as he works diligently toward the better life that he pictures more clearly.
Most importantly, he sees himself becoming successful. As he continues to see the success, he lives, breathes and acts as if he is already successful. His confidence and his ability to succeed are improving every day.
A clinical hypnotherapist, handwriting analyst and expert master hypnotist, Nicholas Pollak may be contacted at nickpollak@hypnotherapy4you.net
