One of the silliest people in Los Angeles I never have met is Marty (Let’s Dumb Down the World Together) Kaplan. He may have been the inspiration for Jerry Lewis’s Nutty Professor shtick. As a shallow thinker, he is a peer of the Los Angeles Titanic’s token black girl essayist, Sandy (I Learned All I Need to Know in Kindergarten) Banks.
Mr. Kaplan, who professes his blarney beliefs undetected at USC, needs to be acknowledged. Sadly, his frothy, hate-fueled spewings are an influential force in my community through the pages of the Jewish Journal, a foppish, hard left, anti-religious weekly.
Typical of liberal Jews for whom the orthodox hard left is their god since they sneeringly scorn synagogues, Mr. Kaplan disdains criticism for mockery. When he wrote an essay two weeks ago (http://www.jewishjournal.com/marty_kaplan/) headlined “If Bachmann and Palin Weren’t Pretty,” Journal readers cheered as if an Orthodox Jew just had been defeated. Since the obviously envious Mr. Kaplan actually branded both Republican women as “evil” and “stupid,” there is no gain in investing further breath on him.
“Palin Makes Monkeys of Liberals” was not a headline you read anywhere over the weekend. The hard left bullies evidently were too slow to realize — again, for the four thousandth time in three years — the lemon meringue dripping down their faces didn’t fall from the sky. Boys, boys. Sarah pitched the goo at you as you chased her down another country road. And you think it’s raining desserts?
Pie squared, pal. And you are, too.
Dear, Dear. What Did She Say?
The state of Alaska belatedly released 24,000 emails written by the smartest and prettiest woman entrepreneur in the Western world. On cue, the liberal pigeons from all of the world’s liberal media scrambled for the email crumbs like starving birds crawling across Braddock Drive.
Ms. Palin unintentionally is gaming the hard left boys, and they don’t even know it. It is almost as if they were begging her, “fool me again, please.”
Without necessarily intending to, Ms. Palin makes them look like rubes. Since the 98 percent of media that is hard left placed Ms. Palin under lifetime 24-hour watch in ‘08, they are as ripe for easy pluckings as farm boys with straw protruding from their roomy ears.
When she wants their attention, all Ms. Palin does is put a touch of honey on the tip of her pretty pert nose. Duck, pal, because here comes the stampede of the liberal boys, like a coven of rats in shameless pursuit of the final square of cheese.
For any remotely attentive observer of the world, The New York Times and the Titanic provide a vault of joke material in their daily editions. A central tenet of both newspapers is to belittle Republicans, especially Republican women.
Speaking of Phoniness
Since the Middle East is burning down with thousands dying and those 10-second democrats of last winter’s revolutions turning out to be a re-issue of Muslim terrorists in funny clothing, since illegal aliens are stirring again, since Gates is making more news than when he was on the job, since Hillary is hanging out at the Unemployment Office, since real and imagined Republican candidates are hourly fodder for the lib bullies, since they became obsessed last week with a Texan named Perry, you would think that the Palin email release would be no more than the weekend’s 620th important story.
No wonder they kneel in awe of global warming.
The Times and the Titanic heralded the Palin news on Page 1 on Saturday after they couldn’t find room for Weiner for days.
Since the “Late Extra” section of the Titanic is the last portion of the newspaper to be printed — that is, carries the latest news — they held off and held off, and made Ms. Palin the lead story.
You wonder why the Titantic has lost a quarter of its circulation the last couple years? Because of Weiner-level judgment.
Seven reporters were assigned to the Palin “ story,” and they produced 29 paragraphs, the edition’s windiest story. For naught. They found nothing, as proved in the vacuous headline:
“Palin in Her Own Words”
Same failure in New York. On a June morning, the august Times, which has suffered a similar precipitous circulation drop, led their National section with Ms. Palin, devoting virtually a full page, plus, like the Titanic, two pictures.
Like the Titanic, the bullies at the Times, which only assigned three reporters, declared their seedy search a flop. Their empty headline breathlessly reported:
“In E-Mails, A Glimpse From Inside Palin’s Rise”
The unchallenged winner of this latest kerfuffel was Sarah Palin. You betcha.
