If you are a groupie for the recently formed patriot gang known as Mayors Against Illegal Guns, don’t let anyone – even your angry spouse – accuse you of lacking a frothy sense of humor.
If you are one of those lightweight liberals who has been sprinting in shrinking concentric circles ever since Newtown, hoping to find a diet pill, or a nutty law, that will make you, not the victims, feel better about bang-bang guns, the following lesson in logic is not designed for you.
You, pal, have been blessed with a direct link to the lighter side of life. You are lighter in the loafers, cerebrally wispier, less serious than anyone in your neighborhood.
Think about the name, Mayors Against Whatever Is Hot Today, and how silly these left-wing, daisy-smoking boobs – Bloomberg, Merino and others – truly are in real life.
They need keepers more than spouses, leashes more than car keys.
These creaking geezers squeak with illogic, just as my new shoes do. What choice did they have?
They could not have called their loopy lodge Wheezing Geezers in Support of Illegal Guns, could they?
Hellbent on controlling the lives of normal people, they overlook one salient fact: No aspect of their ballyhooed “gun control legislation” would have affected one whisker of the Newtown tragedy. But, hey, shlepping gun control makes them feel good, which is the definition of contemporary liberalism.
Attention fellow purveyors of meaningful news:
If you read about the stabbing spree yesterday in Texas, this may interest you.
Late last night, with the encouragement of several pals, I organized a watchdog group intended to prevent such a tragedy from ever being duplicated:
TJAKSWSHO, Tall Journalists Against Knifing Sprees on Campuses Where Students Hang Out.
We don’t believe that knives, or knaves, should be outlawed. But we urge that background checks be conducted against the brothers-in-law of anyone who purchases a butter knife or a paring knife between now and Dec. 25.
As you know, polling shows 90 percent of our fellow crack citizens – or is it fellow citizens on crack ? – support background checks.
I am confident our club of uncommonly alert patriots will focus media attention where it belongs, on us guys. We are delighted to serve as sentinels for the slovenly Americans among us who see knifing sprees on a near daily basis and have absolutely no desire to feel better about themselves.
