The way to fight is to play these games. When you forget the rules (we’re only human), it’s an opportunity to laugh together, and tease: “You FORGOT the rule about ABSOLUTES, honey.”
Let the games begin!
First Game Rule:
LISTEN ACTIVELY. Say, “It sounds like you’re
angry, honey.” Reflect actively on your
partner’s feelings. You may be surprised when
he or she says “Thanks for understanding me,
honey.”
Second Game Rule:
Absolutely no ABSOLUTES. NEVER say NEVER,
ALWAYS, EVERY TIME, etc.
The statement “You NEVER take out
the garbage!” not only isn’t true (he did take it
out last October), it’s a conversation stopper.
Third Game Rule:
Give “I-MESSAGES,” such as “When you trekked
in that mud, honey, it made me feel sad.” Say
how you FEEL, and do not use putdowns. We
usually do care about how each other feels.
Fourth Game Rule:
No COMPROMISES, only TURN-TAKING
Instead of compromising on a movie this
weekend, take turns choosing movies. You
might be surprised by how good some of your
partner’s films are. Compromise and it’s likely
you’ll both be disappointed.
Fifth Game Rule:
INSERT HONEY INTO THE MIX
By adding the word “Honey” to your Game
Statements, you’ll sweeten your chances of
being heard, listened to, and loved.
I learned these game rules long ago – years before I was married. I kept them in mind and, to my great satisfaction, they have been used for 36 years of happy marriage.
Yes, there were some bumps along the way, but they were “softened” by “playing these games.”
By the way, I feel happy when readers give me a jingle at robertebsen@hotmail.com
